


The Years in Between

by the_day_before



Series: Before, After, and In Between [1]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Cliche, Emotional Constipation, Falling In Love, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Humor, Infidelity, Jealousy, Multi, Pining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-14
Updated: 2013-12-25
Packaged: 2017-12-29 08:59:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 24,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1003501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_day_before/pseuds/the_day_before
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It started when Merlin had a new neighbour. The gorgeous blond boy who soon became Merlin's fascination at the tender age of five. Years passed with Merlin and Arthur growing closer and closer, until they were “too close”. Cue awkward adolescent boys, ignoring each other for a good two years. Then Merlin was accepted to a prestigious school in America, thus leaving his life in Ealdor behind. Junior year of high school, Merlin is back in Ealdor and everything seemed to fall right back into place, almost as if he never left, except for Arthur because when are Pendragons ever going to cooperate with Merlin?</p><p>Or the one where Merlin and Arthur grow up with each other with a few years in between of them pining for each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Elephants Never Forget

Merlin shifted in his seat, the seat belt digging uncomfortably in his neck, the window rolled down to let the autumn breeze sift through his hair. 

"How does it feel to be back?" Hunith asked, looking at her son through the rear view mirror.

Merlin sighed, slouching n his seat. "To be honest, I'm not too sure."

In fact that was an understatement. During the long hours of the plane and car rides, Merlin had a lot of time to sit and douse in his thoughts. Anxiety had built up over the past weeks but it wasn’t until his mother pulled up to their old town that Merlin realized _how much_ he missed his home.

* * *

It began when Merlin was five and curious. The age where constant annoying questioning began  _"Why is the sun yellow? How come chickens can't fly? Are clouds made out of marshmallows?"_  A little boy curious about the world around him, always in constant need of something interesting to fulfill his curiosity. In Merlin’s defence, he lived in a small isolated town, where the most interesting thing to a child was when it rained and made puddles everywhere, Merlin proceeded to jump about in them. Or every month when a new shipment of picture books came in the library and Merlin sat by the window and read, absolutely enthralled.  Or when Merlin and Will toboggan down the little hill by the park, since their mothers said they weren’t big enough for the big hill yet. Kids and adults had to create their own fun and entertainment in Ealdor. Despite the lack of excitement in the town, everyone managed to have a little joy in their life.

> One morning in January, Merlin woke to a whole team of construction workers tearing down the old creaky house across the street from him. He rushed down the stairs, slipping on his dragon slippers and opening the door for a better look.
> 
> Merlin itched to just run across the street and find out what was going on. Just as this thought was processing through his mind, his mother came with a small smile. She always managed to keep Merlin from straying. "We're going to have new neighbours, Merlin, isn’t that exciting?" asked Hunith, gathering a curious little Merlin up in her arms, before he could wander aimlessly.
> 
> Merlin shifted in his mother's arms, little eyes filled with eagerness. "Who are they?"
> 
> Hunith shrugged. "We don't know yet, the house was just bought the other day and now the owner wanted it re-built."
> 
> And so, everyday Merlin would look out his window to watch the transforming house. Slowly the house was torn down, but little bits and pieces were coming back together in a brand new state. Months passed before news broke of who the new neighbours were. Pendragon. Uther Pendragon, the multi-millionaire who started Pendragon corporations. 
> 
> Merlin didn't know who the famous Pendragon family was, but he heard gossips among the older women, and even his teacher was rather excited about the news, probably because she will most likely get to teach Uther's son. _And anyone who has ‘Dragon’ in their name, must be pretty cool,_ little Merlin thought.
> 
>  
> 
> When he headed down the stairs one morning, there was an old man sitting on the couch with his mother, mumbling about things. Merlin stayed in the shadows of the hallway, listening to the soft words.
> 
> "The poor dears probably just wanted to get away from the big city." Merlin heard his mother whisper.
> 
> The old man nodded. "Indeed, the tragic misfortune has been poisoning his heart. And Arthur needs a stable environment."
> 
> Merlin entered the room, eyes never leaving the stranger. "Mama?"
> 
> Hunith turned around, smiling at her son. "Merlin," she reached out for him, gesturing him over. "This man is Gaius. He’s a friend."
> 
> Merlin sat on his mother's lap, peaked up at the man, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips. "Nice to meet you sir." he said cautiously.
> 
> Gaius grinned, "A rather polite young man, aren't you?" He produced a lollipop from his front jacket pocket, and all of Merlin’s reservations went out the window.
> 
> Although later that night Hunith gave Merlin a lecture on how not everyone who offers candy is a nice person. It took Merlin a while to grasp the concept but managed to go with it regardless.
> 
>  
> 
> After endless months of waiting and waiting, the day finally came, when the shiny black convertible was parked in front of the re-modeled home, and a tiny blond boy and a rather intimidating man stepped out and finally made their appearance to the neighbourhood. Merlin rushed down the stairs, much like the time he first saw the construction going on, dragon slippers being hastily shucked onto his feet and he grabbed the doorknob, yanking it open, prepared to make his way out, but then he was tugged back by his shirt collar. "Whoa there, where do you think you're going?"
> 
> Merlin looked up at his mother expectantly, "To see Mr. P'dragon and his son." 
> 
> Hunith chuckled. "Let's give them a couple of hours to settle in their new house, and then we can go welcome them."
> 
> And so, Merlin sat staring out at the window from his bedroom, glaring daggers at the front door of Mr. Pendragon's house. He wanted Mr. Pendragon to hurry up and “settle in” or whatever it was so that he could go see them. A few minutes passed with movers delivering in boxes and a man, who Merlin assumed to be Uther Pendragon, allowed them in. After what seem like an hour of staring at all of the furniture and electronics being carried into the house, a small blond boy stepped out on to the porch, and sat on the porch swing.
> 
> Merlin perked up, finally seeing someone his own age. He watched the boy lazily swing himself. Merlin found himself at a daze, merely content at watching the boy, who he assumed was Arthur, swing himself lazily.  Moments passed, before Arthur abruptly stopped, and he hunched over. He wiped furiously at his nose and rubbed his eyes with his sleeve. Merlin frowned. Was Arthur crying? Why was he crying? Didn’t he like Ealdor? Sure it could get pretty boring, but Arthur just got here, he can’t possibly be fed up already, right?
> 
> Merlin peaked out of his room, and listened to his mother humming in the kitchen. Merlin quietly progressed down the stairs, careful not to creak any floor boards. Just when he reached the front door--“Where do you think you’re going?” his mother hollered.
> 
> Merlin stiffened. After a pause, his mother came into the hall pivoting Merlin around to face her. “I hope you’re not thinking about going to Mr. Pendragon’s they’re still busy.”
> 
> Merlin shifted from one foot to the other. “No…”
> 
> Hunith gave a half-hearted chuckled. “Alright, just stop by real quick, and then come back.”
> 
> Merlin smiled, jumping into his mother’s arms with a quick kiss to her cheek and sprinted out the door. 

As soon as their car was parked in front of their old house, Merlin felt himself settle into an odd sort of peace. The house didn’t change much on the outside. The blue paint was re-painted and the front lawn was remarkably groomed.

“I’m going to start bringing things inside.” said Hunith, rummaging through the boxes labeled _kitchen_. “In the meantime, you can go meet up with Will.”

Merlin shook his head. “I called him yesterday, and we agreed we’d meet up after dinner.”

Merlin brought up a couple of boxes of his things, to his room. He couldn’t really tell a major difference in the house on the inside; that was until he started scrutinizing the little details that were missing and started looking for the things he remembered leaving behind. A lot of the little pieces that marked Merlin’s childhood were gone. The tick marks Hunith made on Merlin’s bedroom door, tracking the boy’s height, was painted over in a rich shell-colour. The dent in the hall, when Merlin attempted to rollerblade in the house and soon realized why outdoor activities were for outdoors, was patched up and smoothed over. The tomato stain on the carpet in the living room, when Merlin tripped while carrying a tray of spaghetti, was replaced with a fresh new carpet.

Merlin closed his eyes and leaned against the wall of his room, forehead pressed against the window. He felt a lot of things on the ride back to Ealdor, but being in the physical presence of his old town gave him an overwhelming amount of melancholy. When he opened his eyes again, they naturally landed on the Pendragon’s house, almost out of habit. Merlin stiffened and jerked away from the window. He pressed his back against the wall next to the window, heart beating erratically.  _This is stupid._  After a few seconds he waited until he felt the heat rising to his cheeks cooled and his heart calmed before he tilted his head and peaked out the window. He traced the house with his eyes, remembering all the times he’s been inside that house and imagining how much it must have changed since then. The exterior wasn’t all that different. It was still unnecessarily big, yet it wasn’t large enough to label it a mansion. Or maybe it was because it’s been a few years since Merlin last laid eyes on the Pendragon household. The cars weren’t parked in drive way so he assumed Uther and Arthur were out for the day.  _How convenient for them._

* * *

Merlin was grateful that his mother was transferred only a week before school started, since he wasn’t sure if he could handle being holed up in his room for the entire summer, hiding from a certain blond prat.

The whole day Merlin jerked and flinched whenever someone knocked on the door or rang the doorbell. A lot of Hunith's old friends came and helped with unpacking and even some of Merlin's old friends stopped by to say hi. Merlin was paranoid that it was going to be Uther and Arthur, or Uther, or even worse, just Arthur. He knew he was going to run into Arthur eventually, especially since they did live right in front of each other. But they did a good job of avoiding each other for two years before Merlin moved, so a week shouldn’t be a problem. He figured things would be awkward the first week back, and maybe avoiding him was going to be difficult, but he was determined to not let things escalate further between them besides a mere "Hello" or "Morning" when it was crucially necessary. 

Merlin was helping out with dinner, setting the table and almost felt eerie how it was like they never left Ealdor in the first place. He started to relax, then, the doorbell rang, and once again he tensed up.

Hunith stood up before Merlin even got to let out one word. “Don’t even think about it young man. You sit and enjoy your meal.”

Merlin heard his mother open the creaky door and held his breath, anticipating who the visitor could be.

“Uther!” Merlin felt his palms clam up. “What a surprise. How are you?”

“Very good thank you,” said a familiar voice. Merlin remembered Uther’s voice. It was rough and deep, not as rich as it used to be. He remembered the first time he laid eyes on the man, and how unapproachable the man seemed. “I just wanted to stop by and welcome you back to Ealdor.”

Hunith chuckled. “Seems like déjà vu.”

Uther chuckled as well. “I know what you mean.” Uther said. “I apologize Arthur couldn’t stop by as well. Unfortunately he hasn’t returned from his football game yet.” Merlin shifted in his seat, feeling uncomfortable.  _Did Arthur know I was moving in today?_  Very likely since news travelled fast in Ealdor and whatever there was to know, the Pendragons were surely the first to receive the news.  _Is he avoiding me as well?_  Also very likely. To be perfectly honest, Merlin wasn’t surprised either. He anticipated Arthur to ignore Merlin just as much; possibly more if that was even possible, as Merlin was going to ignore Arthur. But that didn’t mean Merlin didn’t feel a twinge of hurt. Just a twinge.

“It’s quite all right, I know Arthur is never the type to waste such a beautiful day.” said Hunith.

They continued a bit of small talk of their careers and how Pendragon’s corporation has launched in Asia, and how Hunith travelled around the world with Merlin, then just as quickly, their conversation ended and the door was shut. Merlin was thrown back into reality, staring down at his plate of chicken stir fry.

Hunith joined Merlin at the table, noticing the way her son sat rigidly straight. “Why don’t you go over there tomorrow and see how Arthur is doing?” she suggested. “I remember you two used to so inseparable.”

Merlin bit back the instinct to scoff. Somewhere deep inside him, he knew that he may as well get it over with and just stop by to see Arthur. The sooner they get over with their awkward re-introductions, the sooner their parents will stop trying to get them to be polite and greet each other. Just not today.

* * *

It wasn’t until nine o’clock struck, that Will made his appearance. First thing he did was grab Merlin around the neck and proceeded to capture Merlin in a headlock, and tangle up his dark locks even more. “About time you came.”

Will grinned. “Eh, you could use all the time you have to get away from me, especially now that you’re here you can bet I’m going to be stick t’ya like glue.”

Merlin smirked. “Or an annoying pimple that just won’t pop.”

Will shoved him lightly, and flopped on the couch. “Seems like forever since I was last here.” He glanced around and made a show of nestling his butt firmly into the cushion of the sofa.

Merlin laughed, making himself comfortable next to him. “I know, right?”

Will greeted Hunith with his usual cheeky attitude. “My my Hunith you haven’t aged one day since I last saw you.”

To which Hunith responded with a shake of her head and a slight smile. “You better watch over him Merlin, he’s bound to get into trouble with that mouth of his.”

“Don’t worry. Merlin always takes good care of me.”

Will grabbed Merlin’s wrist suddenly and inspected the thin limb. “Dude, you seriously need to eat more. I think you’ve gotten even skinnier since we were kids, which is very concerning my friend.” said Will. “We could probably put an over-size shirt on a chopstick and it could be your twin.”

To which Merlin responded with a cushion coming in contact with Will’s face. They joked and laughed, catching up with each other. They built a fort in the living room using couch cushions and blankets. Merlin made popcorn, and flipped on the T.V. Soon bits of popcorn were littered around the sofa and the carpet.  _It’s nice returning to this_ , Merlin thought. Not long after, they fell asleep in the dark room with David Tennant echoing in the background.

> Arthur’s head snapped up and glared suspiciously at Merlin, furiously wiping away his tears. “Who are you?”
> 
> Merlin didn’t recall the hostility in Arthur’s voice and merely grinned a toothy grin. “I’m Merlin, I live across the street from you.”
> 
> Arthur glanced behind the boy and at the house Merlin apparently came from and wrinkled his nose in distaste. “Your house is weird… and _small_.”
> 
> Merlin shrugged. “It’s not, your house is just really big.” And to prove his point Merlin gestured towards all of the other houses surrounding Arthur’s giant house.
> 
> Merlin sat beside Arthur, possibly too close, but Arthur didn’t make any kind of protest, which Merlin took as a positive response. “Why were you crying?”
> 
> Arthur scoffed and crossed his arms over his chest. “I was not crying.”
> 
> Merlin frowned. “Yes you _were_ , I saw you wiping your face a minute ago.”
> 
> Arthur dropped his arms and tilted his head. “When did you see that?”
> 
> Merlin paused. “Through the window at my house. I wanted to come by earlier, but mama said it was too soon, and that it’s not nice to see someone right after their delivery truck comes by, so I sat in front of my window and waited until mama said I could come over and--“
> 
> “You talk too much.” Arthur interrupted without any annoyance.
> 
> Merlin blinked. “Is that bad?”
> 
> Arthur nodded. “But not all that time, sometimes it can get boring if one person does all the talking though.”
> 
> Merlin grinned and reverted the subject of conversation to Arthur. “So where are you from?”
> 
> Arthur stared down at his feet, and resumed swinging his feet back and forth, “Camelot.”
> 
> Merlin gaped at him. “That’s pretty far. Why did you move here?”
> 
> Arthur shrugged. “Father wanted to come here.”
> 
> “Oh.” And Merlin could tell Arthur didn’t feel like talking about the reason why he had to move, which was fine by Merlin, since sitting and talking wasn’t exactly his kind of fun.
> 
> Merlin glanced over at his house and back at Arthur. “Do you want to come over and have some ice-cream? We have chocolate and vanilla, so you can pick whatever you like.”
> 
> Arthur looked at Merlin like he grew another head, but a small smile was threatening to tug at Arthur’s stone hard demure. “But I haven’t had lunch yet. Father says dessert always comes after a proper meal.”
> 
> Merlin shrugged. “You can come over after lunch then.” He urged. “Or you can come over for lunch too.”
> 
> Arthur nodded. “I’ll ask father and then tell you if I can.” And with that Arthur dashed inside and Merlin waited on the porch, controlling the urge to bounce up and down with excitement.
> 
> Not a moment later, Arthur came back out with the scary man close behind him. “Father, this is Merlin.” Arthur gestured to Merlin and Merlin stood up, dusting away any dirt from his pants and grinned up at the man.
> 
> “Hello Mr. P’dragon, I’m Merlin, I live across the street from you.”
> 
> The man couldn’t help but break into a wide smile at the impossibly cute attempt at his name. He crouched down to Merlin’s height and shook the little boy’s tiny hand. “Hello there Merlin, I’m Uther Pendragon. Unfortunately, Arthur has to unpack a few more things and eat lunch before he can visit you and your mother. Maybe in an hour or so he can come visit.”
> 
> Merlin resisted the instinct to pout. He agreed and bounded his way back home and flopped back onto the couch, staring up at the clock hanging above the tv. _An hour._
> 
> “Mama!” Merlin called and rushed to the entrance of the kitchen. Hunith never allows Merlin inside the kitchen when she making something. Mostly because it’s dangerous for a five year old to wander in a kitchen, especially one with no sense of boundaries or one who can’t keep their hands off the cookie jar.
> 
> Huntih came out, stirring a batch of cookie mix. “Yes honey?”
> 
> “How do you know when an hour passed?” asked Merlin, eyes never leaving the clock, virtually hypnotized by the ticking of the clock.
> 
> Hunith put the batter down and lifted Merlin up in her arms and went to the clock. “See this hand?” she asked, pointing at the smaller hand of the clock.
> 
> Merlin nit his eyebrows together. “That’s a hand?”
> 
> Hunith laughed. “Well, yes and no. People just call it a hand. Now see this smaller hand?” Merlin nodded. “An hour has passed when this little hand reaches the 4 and the longer hand reaches the 10.” When she placed Merlin back on his feet, he scrambled to the couch hoisting himself up and resumed staring at the clock. “Why the sudden interest in time?.”
> 
> “Arthur’s going to come over in an hour.” Hunth frowned and was about to interrogate her son when Merlin hurriedly explained. “He already asked his dad, and Mr. P’dragon said he could and I greeted him too, just so that I wasn’t rude.”
> 
> Hunith relaxed and barely hid a tired little smile. “Alright. As long as Mr. Pendragon said it was fine.”
> 
> Merlin nodded enthusiastically. Merlin brought a new picture book he borrowed from the library and began to read to himself out loud. Every now and then he glanced up at the clock and pouted when the “hands” barely budged. And when he asked his mother if the clock was working right, his mother chuckled and ruffled his hair and said yes it was and Merlin was going to have to be patient and that an hour wasn’t long at all, as long as Merlin found a way to forget about the time and just enjoy the hour to himself. But Merlin couldn’t avoid the way his eyes gradually gravitated to the clock. In the end Merlin gave up and plopped himself on the couch and made himself comfortable as the television played Harry Potter. He unintentionally focused his attention on the clock. He fell into a trance with every tick of the clock _. One hour._

That night, nearly 11:30 pm, Merlin woke to the rumbling of Arthur’s sports car. He heard the engine of Arthur’s car shut off, and Merlin curled into his chest, ignoring the thumping of his heart echoing loud in his ears. He looked to his left and saw Will asleep, his head lolling forward.

Moments passed and Merlin sat with his favourite green blanket wrapped snug around him, heart ready to succumb to excessive stress. He sat there debating whether or not he should peak out his front window. Every year on Arthur’s birthday, Merlin always imagined how much Arthur changed and how much Arthur stayed the same. He wondered if Arthur still looked noticeably the same as when they were kids. He wondered if puberty was merciful on Arthur or if Arthur grew into his teenaged years in an unfortunate state. He wondered if Arthur still had his baby blond hair, or if he chose to dye it. He wondered if Arthur grew taller than him. Or if he got any tattoos and piercings. Of course he thought of adding Arthur on Facebook just to ease his curiosity, but then thought better of it. There was so much Merlin conjured up of Arthur, to the point where he convinced himself he was borderline obsessed with his ex-childhood friend from years ago. Now here was his opportunity to finally put his imagination at ease.

Merlin stood up letting the blanket pool around the carpet, before tiptoeing towards the window. He felt his palms moisten and his ears flush. He knew he was over-reacting but he was going to see the boy who he hasn’t seen for four years, the boy who captivated him from the very beginning. He closed his eyes as he pulled back the curtain. He counted  _three, two, one,_  then snapped his eyes up towards the Pendragon’s house. It was difficult to see the dark figure, but thankfully the streetlights were on. Merlin squinted, until his vision focused on a boy whose back was faced towards Merlin, a patch of light hair, and a broad shouldered boy, opening the front door—Arthur. In that moment Merlin fought the urge to duck down and hide. Just as quickly as Merlin got a glimpse of Arthur, he was gone the next second, leaving only an empty porch. 

Merlin felt exposed and pathetic. He probably looked just as pathetic as he felt. He sighed, walking back to his spot next to Will. He tucked his legs against his chest, and wrapped his arms around them, huddling his face in his knees. He was angry at himself. Angry that he still couldn’t keep a lid on his feelings, even after this long. He was angry at Arthur for making him feel this way for this long. He was angry that his feelings didn’t make any sense whatsoever. _Oh gosh, I sound worse than an entire series of teen angst movies._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _kudos, comments, criticism, etc, are much appreciated ♥_
> 
>  
> 
> p.s. I know Arthur hasn't really showed up yet, but I promise he will.


	2. Waking Up to Yesterday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the first chapter was pretty angsty, but I promise it gets ~~a lot~~ better.

> When the clock finally struck four o’ ten, Merlin was up and out of the couch and eagerly waiting by the door, anticipating the knock, or if Arthur reached with his tiptoes, the doorbell.  As the seconds passed Merlin stood there anxiously awaiting the arrival of his new friend. It wasn’t until minutes passed that Merlin began to pout and cross his arms over his chest.
> 
> But then, a flop of light hair was sprung out the Pendragon’s door, carefully shutting the door behind him, before running towards Merlin’s house.
> 
> Before Arthur even had a chance to knock on the door, Merlin was ready and opening the door for Arthur.
> 
> Merlin grinned and tugged on Arthur’s sleeve to bring him in.
> 
> When he dragged Arthur to the living room and sat him on the couch, Merlin felt giddy and excited that he met someone new and that he had a new friend. “Hi!” he blurted out and Merlin felt a little embarrassed. He probably should have greeted Arthur sooner, like at the door, and his mother even said that he had a tendency to act without thinking or really explaining what he wanted, which led everyone else around him to wonder or worry, or both.
> 
> Arthur laughed and smiled. “Hi.”
> 
> Merlin stopped to think for a moment. “We should go get the icecream now.”
> 
> Arthur nodded. “I was invited for icecream.”
> 
> That was how two pairs of little feet pitter-pattered into the kitchen waiting anxiously at the entrance of the kitchen for Hunith’s approval for icecream.
> 
> Not five minutes later, Merlin showed Arthur his favourite way to eat icecream is by mixing vanilla and chocolate together. “You get to taste chocolate and vanilla together if you do it like this!” Merlin defended as Arthur stuck out his tongue.

* * *

>  
> 
> Will and Arthur weren't too keen of each other. Merlin brought Will over for the first time after a round of wrestling in the mud, and well, a toothy grinning Merlin and another equally dorky looking boy, covered from head to toe in mud, was not really a good first impression. 
> 
> "Hi, I'm William." said the boy, sticking out a rather filthy hand to Arthur. Merlin jabbed Will in the ribs, then, as if noticing how rude that was, he wiped his hand on the back of his shirt, which did little to clean up the dirt, but was better than nothing. Arthur frowned, and politely shook Will’s hand. 
> 
> "I’m Arthur Pendragon."
> 
> "I know. The whole neighbourhood was talkin' 'bout you." said Will excitedly. "I mean look at your house! It's huge! We were all wondering who was goin’ t’be the new neighbour."
> 
> Arthur didn't know how the conversation shifted from his house to the pool in his backyard and to chasing the ice cream truck down the street and then visiting the park. 
> 
> Eventually, Arthur warmed up to Will, since Merlin was always at his house and Will, being Merlin's current best friend, ended up wherever Merlin went, which was equivalent to having Will over at his house. It was getting obvious that Will didn't like how Merlin followed Arthur around. Arthur was too fond of Will's... general personality either. But they managed to see a common ground and remain civil. Or at least as civil as a couple of shrieking loud toddlers can be.
> 
> They fell into an easy routine. A day to day routine where Merlin visited Arthur 3 times a week, before it soon increased to every other day. He knew he annoyed Arthur a lot, and they argued like kids. A lot. Will stopped by often too, claiming that Arthur was going to steal Merlin away from him. Looking back, Arthur did steal Merlin in a way. He stole Merlin’s in divided attention. He was now Merlin’s most prioritized friend. He was now the center of Merlin’s fascination. All without Merlin being aware of the transition from being “just” friends to something else.

* * *

Merlin wasn’t sure when his feelings for Arthur changed, or if they ever changed at all. All he knew was he preferred to be in Arthur’s company, despite his obnoxious attitude. And that even when they fought, they made up with sugar filled chocolates involved. There was never going to be anyone else who made Merlin feel sparks ignited every time he hears Arthur’s laugh.

Arthur was special. Not the way his family was special to him, nor the way his best friends were to him either. Arthur Pendragon was his own category. It wasn’t right calling him merely a _friend_ , or even a “best” friend. It wasn’t clear. But as the years grew on and on, it became clearer. Until Merlin was terrified and paranoid. And truthfully what scared Merlin was that he didn’t know _what_ he was scared of. Slowly but surely Merlin came to piece together his feelings and emotions, matching them together and trying to make up an equation to figure what everything was resulting in. In the process, Merlin was also realizing another important factor. It also became evident whatever Merlin felt about Arthur, Arthur didn't feel the same way about him.

Somehow, Arthur wasn’t his friend anymore. And that scared the shit out of Merlin. That was all Arthur was, his friend, until one day Merlin realized, Will was his best friend. Gwen was also one of his best friends. Even Lancelot was one of his friends. Arthur _wasn’t_ his friend. He was something completely different to _him_. Only one-sided on Merlin’s perspective, was their friendship gone, and in its place left something different. And if Arthur wasn’t his friend, what was he?

“So, are you excited to see a certain someone tomorrow?” asked Gwen.

Merlin rolled his eyes and leaned back in his bed, tucking in his phone between his cheek and shoulder. “Depends on who this certain someone is.”

“You know, blond, buff, has a bit of sass going on. I recall you seemed excited that his name contained the word ‘Dragon’ when we were younger.”

Merlin huffed. “No, not really excited to see Arthur. In fact I have yet to see him at all.”

Gwen paused. “Wait, you haven’t seen him at all? Like, since you’ve been back?”

Merlin nodded on command, and realized she couldn’t see him. “Yes Gwen. I haven’t seen him at all. I thought I just said that.”

“You are stubborn.” Gwen muttered. “I can’t believe you haven’t even gotten a glimpse of him. Especially since you guys live like, less than a minute away from each other.” She gave a little sigh. “You’re going to be pleasantly surprised when you see him.”

Merlin rolled his eyes. “Right, I’ll keep that in mind.”

They chatted for a bit and Merlin listened to Gwen gushing about how Lancelot was a perfect gentleman on their anniversary date last night and how he cooked her dinner, and they had a candle-lit picnic in his living room, since his parents were out for the evening. Merlin was drifting off, and only registering less than half of whatever she was saying. His eyes felt heavy and his head felt like it was going to roll off his shoulder. A familiar drone of Arthur’s sports car was coming up their road. All too soon, Merlin snapped out of his trance and blinked his eyes rapidly. He cleared his throat and sat up abruptly causing his phone that was tucked under his chin to drop and spin around on the other side of his room.

Merlin already settled into a habit of stopping everything he does when he hears the roaring of Arthur’s car. For the past week, Arthur was out and about and each day, he always returned when the sun was fully hidden.

Merlin reached for his phone, frowned when the battery bar was flashing on the screen, and the phone completely shut off. He sighed and plugged it up to the charger and left it, not bothering to call Gwen back. He slipped back under his covers, pulling it over his head, blocking out all intentions of walking over to his window and taking a peak at Arthur. After all, why spoil a pleasant surprise?

* * *

The first day of school was literally only a couple of hours away, and Merlin was up at three o’ clock in the morning counting sheep. He barely slept at all the night before and his eyes were fairly red when he last saw himself. He went to the living room, watching morning telly, leg bouncing impatiently up and down. He did his best to ignore the urge to press his ear up against the door to hear if Arthur’s car was leaving Uther’s drive way.

Merlin’s nerves were pretty much in control. He left pretty early with Will just so that he could avoid Arthur, at least for the time being. Merlin couldn’t stop shaking his leg, and by the time Will got him through the front entrance of the school, he was already breaking out in cold sweat. Unfortunately, Will wasn’t in Merlin’s homeroom, but he was in fact in his advanced calculus class. So that sort of helped Merlin look forward to the day… kind of.

As soon as Merlin stepped through the door to his homeroom, he felt remarkably better. A lot of his classmates were his old classmates from past years. Some of them, he kept contact with, others he didn’t really care to. Leon even came right up to Merlin and messed up his hair with a quick half hug and bounded back to his mates. Merlin looked at the crowd in the room with a lot of familiar faces and felt his nerves take a backseat. Especially since Gwen was already nestled into the seat next to the window, waving at him. “Merlin! Over here.”

Merlin grinned from ear to ear, letting out a breath through his nose. He dropped his bag next to the seat beside Gwen. “You have no idea how glad I am to see you.”

Gwen gave him a light snicker. “I think I have a hunch.” With that being said, she stood up and gave him a squeeze. Merlin was glad to still have friends like Gwen. They kept in touch over e-mail and had video chats and what not with Will too.

When Merlin finally got Gwen to peel her arms off of him. Her face fell slightly. “You’ll never guess who’s in our class.”

Merlin kept his face from showing any emotion, dreading to hear the answer. But before he could ask who, in came the one person he was praying he didn’t have to face first thing in the morning.

Arthur Pendragon.

It wasn’t as if Merlin was hoping that he wouldn’t have to deal with Arthur altogether, but he was hoping that he would have a bit of time to figure out how to go about school and avoiding Arthur at all costs. He had a week to compose himself, preparing to face the great Pendragon. But when the moment came, and his fear was coming to reality he went blank.

Arthur looked as if he was cut out of an underwear magazine. His hair was still light blond, with a little bit of dark tones here and there. And unsurprisingly Arthur filled out his body, _beautifully_. His arms were toned beneath the tight t-shirt he wore. It looked like, Merlin was a mere couple of inches away from being taller than Arthur.

When Arthur looked around the room, trying to find a familiar face, it was a futile attempt, seeing as half the class was already greeting him as soon as he made his appearance. It was rather nice, seeing some of the people Merlin recognized and they even said hi to him too. But it was nothing compared to the welcoming Arthur got.

Arthur smiled knowingly at everyone, politely making his way to Leon, who was at the back of the room, all the while Merlin tried not to stare. By chance, Arthur skimmed over Merlin’s side of the room, and his eyes landed on Merlin. Right then and there, Merlin stopped breathing for a moment. Then the most unexpected thing happened. Arthur gave him an awkward hand wave, and a tiny grin, before passing him. All at once, Merlin felt a dull ache in his chest enhanced tenfold. _He was probably waving at someone behind me_.

Then he heard a stifled squeal from Gwen, and her hands flailing to grab his sleeve. “Arthur just waved at you, he just acknowledged you, and he just greeted you!” then she stopped everything and nit her eyebrows together glaring suspiciously up at Merlin. “I thought you said you and Arthur haven’t talked at all”

Merlin chuckled, prying Gwen’s fingers off him. “We haven’t.” Merlin stated and avoided staring at Gwen’s accusing eyes. “I think he was waving at someone else.” and even to his ears he could hear the horrid attempt of nonchalance.

Gwen frowned. “I don’t think so, there’s no one around us. All the seats are practically bare here. And besides, there’s no one sitting behind us.“

And she was right, when Merlin looked around, there was no question Arthur was greeting him or maybe even Gwen. _Well, I wasn’t expecting that._

The class was chattering about, waiting for any more late-comers to arrive. Merlin was firmly fixed on Gwen and whatever she said, trying desperately to ignore the burning desire to simply turn his head and see what the blond was up to. Occasionally, there was a rowdy conversation in the back of the room, and he could hear a distinct laugh, loud enough that Merlin heard it. He was almost sure it was Pendragon. _Almost_.

Merlin would be lying if he wasn’t paranoid throughout the entire class. He could barely filter through half of what his teacher was saying. Of course when the teacher took attendance, and landed on Pendragon, Merlin sat up a little straighter and his ears perked up.

“Present.” said Arthur. Arthur’s voice was deep and smooth. Much more mature than the awkwardly croaking voice he remembers.

Gwen helped distract his racing head, with idiotic little jokes written on the corner of his notebook pages. Or make little scribbles on a post-it note and giggled as Merlin responded with his own horrible sketches. When the bell finally rang, Merlin jumped and sighed in relief knowing the torture was over, until the peanut brigade started their loud banter again.

“Hey Arthur, you coming over to my house for a game?” Leon asked, while Merlin packed his things quickly, trying to drown out the excessively loud boys.

“Sure, but I might be a bit late.” said Arthur.

Leon snickered. “Is the Lady Sophia dragging you out with her again?”

And just like that, Merlin tuned them out, focusing on packing up his things. It wasn’t until Gwen placed her hand on his shoulder that he flinched and snapped back.

Arthur sighed. “Something like that.”

Merlin didn’t even bother giving Arthur a glance and mentally applauded himself for not tripping over his own feet like the way he did on the first day of school back in 3rd grade.

The day carried on with classes and then lunch, which he had with both Elena and Gwen. They sat outside on the bleachers, getting a perfect view of the entire school field.

“I can’t believe you’re really back.” Elena shrieked. “I missed you so much!” Merlin laughed. “You visited me practically every summer.”

Elena’s family was well-off, much like the Pendragons. Her father and Arthur’s father have been good friends too, which ultimately led to Elena and Arthur knowing each other on a level slightly more intimate than acquaintances but not too close as friends yet. She had the time and money to visit Merlin, and she even brought Gwen and Lance with her a couple of times too.

Elena waved him off. “That was still, like, forever ago.”

“It was a couple of weeks ago” stated Merlin.

“Minor details.” Elena shrugged. “So how’re your classes so far?”

Merlin smiled. “Not bad, pretty much just caught up with a bunch of old friends.”

Elena nodded. “Are one of those friends a certain gorgeous blond, who just so happens to be out on the field passing a soccer ball to Percy?”

Merlin instinctively looked at where Elena was looking and found himself getting mildly frustrated. “I’m seeing him everywhere!” hissed Merlin.

Elena chuckled. “It’s all rather déjà vu-y when you think about it.” Elena said. “Now, answer my question, have you talked to him?”

Merlin shook his head. Other than the awkward hand wave from this morning, he has actually managed to limit his encounters with Arthur. But twice in one day still felt one too many.

“There he is!” a voice tittered behind them. Merlin whipped around and broke out into a full on smile.

Gwen was walking hand-in-hand with Lancelot, who was also grinning ear to ear. “Lance!”

Lance laughed. “Merlin! C’mere you.” They gave each a warm welcomed hug that end with Lance commenting on how Merlin’s bones were becoming sharper or he was skinnier than before.

“Shut up.” Merlin gasped between bouts of laughter as Lance poked him in the ribs.

Gwen leaned in on Lance’s side, placing her chin on his shoulder. Lance turned and gave her a kiss on her cheek. “How was your day?” he asked.

Gwen shrugged. “Same old same old, except Merlin’s back.” She turned to Merlin. “In a way it’s technically not the same old, but it feels great to have you back with us.” And then gave Lance a peck on the cheek. Lance gave her a little grin and tucked in a strand of hair that strayed from her bun.

Elena made a gagging noise. “Save me Merlin! They’ve gotten even cuter and even more repulsive since you’ve returned.”

Merlin sighed. “What am I going to do with all of you?” he joked.

Lance grinned. “Never leave us again.” And proceeded to mess up Merlin’s already messy hair.

* * *

Before Merlin realized it, the day was over in a blink of an eye. He smiled to himself as he opened his locker. _I did it._ _Now just to make it out the door_.

The perfect end to his day was ruined as he saw a rather ridiculously large group of teenagers stride their way in the hall. Of course one of them was Arthur. It made sense really, Arthur was most likely heading for his locker, which of course was within radius of Merlin’s since they did in fact have homeroom together. Every time that thought popped up into his head, the knot he felt in his gut got tighter. _Every day, with mister obnoxiously-loud, first thing in the mornings_. And the gut-wrenching feeling was intensifying. _It could just be indigestion…_

Before Merlin had a chance of confirming who was in Arthur's personal clique, Gwen was wrenching his arm and dragging him away. “Let’s walk home together.”

Merlin smiled a bit sadly. “Like old times?” For a moment, Merlin worred if him returning after so long was going to be difficult for him to re-adjust back into his friends' lives, but in fact, his friends went out of their way to  include him, just like the years before he left.

Gwen patted Merlin gently on the cheek. “Hey, we’re all here now, and that’s not going to change.”

Merlin was about to smile and respond, when a loud shriek was echoed through the hall form Arthur’s group. A petite blond girl--Vivian was frantically spouting at her friends and giggling. Arthur was laughing along while tugging in a small brunette girl by the wrist and then he tangled their fingers together. The girl gazed up at him and smiled up sweetly before standing on her tip-toes and gave him a kiss on his lips. To which Arthur responded with his hands slipping around her waist and pulling her in closer.

Merlin went numb. He went numb and he continued to stare. He felt as if his chest was being squeezed and slowly building up pressure until he felt like someone was constricting his airway.

Gwen noticed Merlin was distracted and pulled on Merlin’s arm, wrapping her arm around him protectively. And in that second Merlin relaxed. Gwen glanced behind them, her eyes softening a bit and tugged Merlin forward in the opposite direction of Arthur’s peanut brigade. “Don’t pay him any attention.” Gwen whispered and dragged Merlin along. “Come on, I bet the others are waiting.”

Merlin was proud to say he never once looked back. Even if he did really _really_ want to.

* * *

Will, Lance and Gwen stayed over and have a night in before the rest of the school year took its toll on everyone. They gathered around Merlin’s old television set in his room, bundled together with a blanket and a pile of chocolate bars and bags of chips.

Gwen stayed on Merlin’s toes from the moment they left the school grounds to the minute they stepped into Merlin’s room.

“Gwen, seriously, I’m fine, you don’t have to coddle me.” Merlin whispered.

Gwen gave him a pointed look. “I know you Merlin. Even if you say you’re fine and you even look fine, I know that you are not fine.” Gwen sighed. “But I suppose I should back off a bit.”

Of course, he couldn’t get the image of Arthur making out with a girl out of his head. Sure, it wasn’t anything new, if anything Merlin would have been skeptical if someone told him, Arthur wasn’t seeing anybody. But, seeing Arthur after so long and witnessing _that_ , just made Merlin… uncomfortable on various levels.

For the rest of the night, Merlin attempted to make conversation and concentrate on the banters going back and forth. However he just was in a daze. He did throw in a nod and a hum here and there, indicating he was still there, but for the most part, his mind was set on replay. Repeating the image of Arthur with that girl in his head. And even though Merlin’s internal reaction to the scene was… a bit much, he still thought he handled it well. _Now to only forget it ever happened._

* * *

It seemed like Arthur did in fact choose to stay over at Leon’s, since the sun was fully set by the time the low rumbling of Arthur’s car drove in the street. Merlin was laying in his bed, awoken from the loud engine, and he can hear the loud bang of the car door slammed shut. It unsettled Merlin to know that he would be able to know when Arthur wasn’t at home just by looking into the Pendragon driveway, or knowing when Arthur does return from the loud engines of his car.

* * *

When Merlin came around the corner for his locker, the last thing he expected to see was Arthur and Sophia, making out in front of his locker.

Merlin’s face burned, for more reasons than one. He considered turning back around and coming back at a more _appropriate_ time, but then he shrugged it off and put his game face on. _May as well get this over with._

He walked towards the obscene couple and cleared his throat. “Excuse me, but I need to open my locker. So if you two could take a breather for, like, 30 seconds?”

The couple separated their liplock and gasped to find someone standing less than three feet away from them, Arthur shoved Sophia aside and wiped his lips with the back of his sleeve, which gave Merlin an unwelcomed thrill.

“Sorry. I was just waiting for--” began Arthur, and Merlin held up his hand. _Waiting for you girlfriend._ Merlin mentally finished for him.

“Say no more, it really doesn’t matter to me, just try to keep your teenaged hormones to yourself, or at least somewhere less public.” With that Merlin ignored the blond boy and in less than a minute, shut his locker and walked into class, nose buried in a book already warming his chair with his butt.

Apparently Arthur wasn’t going to simply _let it be_ and followed him, and spun the seat in front of Merlin around and made himself comfortable. “Merlin,” Arthur started, and Merlin was already feeling a little bit tingly at the sound of _his_ name on Arthur’s lips. Merlin glanced up at Arthur, grinding down the sheer amount of glee bubbling from his chest, gripping the hardcover of his book. Looking at Arthur, and he means actually _examining_ the gorgeous boy after so many years, is not healthy for him. He decided he was going to suffer from cardiac arrest if he doesn’t prepare himself before staring into Arthur’s deep blue eyes. It was unfair how certain people just had _everything_. Appearance, brains, physcial stamina. _It's so not fair._

“Merlin, I just want to talk to you.” Arthur began, looking a little bit pale, but grinning a little to ease the awkward atmosphere. “I know it’s been a while—” A _long while_. “Since we’ve last really…” Arthur waved his hand limply, gesturing to the small space between them. “Had a heart to heart, I guess.”

Merlin quirked an eyebrow. “You want to have a heart to heart with me?”

Arthur shrugged, as if that was enough of an answer.

Merlin scratched his neck. “Uh… there isn’t much to talk about really.”

Arthur stilled for a moment,. “There’s a lot to catch up on.”

Something snapped inside of Merlin from that sentence and he was about to retort with “No, there really isn’t, we’ve gone long enough without saying more than three words to each other for years, so why break tradition?” when the brunette girl with a soft round face was back and at Arthur’s side—the one who Arthur was making out with, in front of _his_ locker.

And when she tapped Arthur, started to coax him out of his seat and tangled their fingers together, Merlin was just about ready to puke.

“Hey baby.” She said and leaned up to kiss him. "Don't forget about me, you just took off." Merlin was gagging in his mouth.

Arthur struggled to smile, but eventually relaxed as tugged her by her waist. “Nah, never forget you" And the girl giggled and Arthur leaned down to rub their noses together.

Merlin was sitting there, trying not to openly stare at them.

And just when Merlin was prepared to leave the room altogether, Percy came in and slapped Arthur on his back. “Oi, you two! Get a room.” He hollered. To which the couple rolled their eyes, and Arthur grabbed the girl by the waist and spun her around and carried her up and out of the room.

And Merlin sat there utterly nauseated.

When Gwen finally came in and took her seat beside Merlin, he could tell she witnessed the couple outside.

“I’m guessing you saw them?” she asked. "Making out I mean."

Merlin nodded. “Teenage hormones and all.” He waved his hand in the air. “A bit expected to be honest.”

Gwen rolled her eyes. “I can’t believe he’s _still_ with her though.” She said. “I mean, he usually switches up his girlfriends at least three times over the summer.”

Merlin inwardly winced at the new piece of information. _Dirty player_. “I don’t remember him being much of a playboy.” stated Merlin.

Gwen shrugged. “It all sort of happened at once. Arthur started getting a bit… wild, after you left.” Gwen said, hushing her voice down so that Percival and Leon couldn’t hear them. “He went overseas a lot with his father and he sort of turned into a rebel for a while. Then he turned into a teenager and started dating a bunch of girls. Some of them for a good few months, some not for too long. Then sophomore year stuck and he began jumping from girl to girl more frequently. That continued until a month before summer break Sophia moved in just outside of town. Apparently Uther’s father and her father used to go way back and then it seemed like their kids hit it off pretty well. It think they’ve been together for a good three months now.”

Merlin slumped into his chair and sighed. “Geez, he seems like the resident badboy-player, doesn’t he?”

Gwen chuckled. “In a way, yeah he does.”

* * *

Despite the awkward morning, the rest of the day proved to be better, not good, but marginally better. English, which was the class Merlin Gwen, and Arthur shared was boring and uneventful.

The last class of the day was more amusing, especially since Leon and Lance were in it. Unexpectedly Leon came up to Merlin and wrestled him into a bear hug, which Merlin was slapping at Leon’s back, demanding release. “Leon, I appreciate the sentiment, but I can’t feel my arm anymore.”

“Sorry mate.” Leon chuckled, and placed Merlin back on his feet. “Just got a bit carried away.”

Leon walked Merlin down to their lockers. Merlin almost forgot that Arthur had _decent_ friends. Two of whom were _also_ his own friends. Along the way down the hall, Leon playfully shoved Merlin.

They rounded the corner and in an instant Leon was flocked with a group of guys and girls. Leon introduced Merlin to all of his friends. And Merlin could see the few who were barely acknowledging his existence, while some where very polite and welcoming. Feeling a bit closed-in, from within the, literal, circle of friends, Merlin stepped out and waved goodbye to Leon.

Though when he was in front of his locker, Arthur was also there leaning against the opposite wall of lockers and was now making his way to Merlin—and yup that was all Merlin needed. He slammed his locker shut and made his way around Arthur—that is until a firm grip pulled him back by the wrist, causing him to nearly fall backwards.

“Ow—you tosser, what are you doing?”

Arthur blinked as if he was being zapped back into reality and suddenly let go of Merlin. “Sorry.”

Merlin massaged his wrist, eyeing Arthur up suspiciously. “I’m assuming there’s a reason why you’re attacking me?”

Arthur huffed. “I wasn’t attacking you. I just wanted to talk to you before you left.”

Merlin was going to have to get Arthur to understand the concept of “a time and a place” and right now, in their current situation was not the appropriate choice for chit-chatting.

“Okay… well, like I said before there really isn’t anything to talk about.” and when Arthur looked like he was going to argue, Merlin cut in. “We’ve been doing a fine job of not speaking to each other for a couple of years. Why are you suddenly trying to…” Merlin waved his hands in front of him, keeping himself a safe distance away from the other boy. “Communicate? Now of all times.”

Arthur’s eyes widened, before collecting himself. “I wanted to repair whatever happened between us. I want us to put the past behind us, but not the way we’re doing.”

Merlin’s face hardened, crossing his arms on his chest. “How do you suggest we do that?” asked Merlin incredulously." I don’t see you making any effort. Since I’ve moved back in my old house, I’ve never even seen your face, you haven’t ever approached me. Even when I did move across the country you haven’t made the effort to e-mail me. And I know you have my e-mail since Morgana gave it to you. And if I recall, you were the one who wanted everything the way it is; us not talking, you ignoring me and me pretending you dn't exist. That was everything you wanted.” and Merlin bit his tongue from saying anymore.

Arthur’s eyes looked a bit guilty and slightly lost. “I-I just—look I admit there’s no excuse for what I’ve done and I have no excuse for why I haven’t contacted you in any way, but I just want to mend things between us.”

For the first time in a long time, Arthur Pendragon looked absolutely sincere, and Merlin wasn’t sure how to respond. Then he glanced around and noticed the other students in the halls not paying them any attention but Merlin still felt like he was being watched.

“Look, Arthur, I get that this tension between us has been going on long enough, but I don’t think we can force ourselves to be comfortable enough with each other to really repair the damages, at least not yet. I think we should just let nature take its course.”

The blond boy looked hurt and slightly too vulnerable. Merlin took pity and decided to cut the torturous conversation short. He clasped his hand on Arthur’s shoulder and patted it twice. "I'm not saying i won't try to patch things up with you, I'm all for it." with that Arthur was full on smiling and showing of a couple of crooked teeth--and god, Merlin shouldn't find that so utterly cute. "But I hope you realize it's going to take time. A lot of time." 

Arthur nodded. "I understand."

Merlin sighed, giving a tired smile before mumbling an “I’ll see you around.” And he walked away, avoiding to look at any prying eyes glancing his way.

* * *

The next morning, Merlin felt more confident with facing Arthur. Feeling proud that he got to say a bit of what was stuck in his head for a while.

Although he soon found himself being a little too chipper, too soon.

"I'll be assigning partners for everyone to do a presentation. I want this project to be a modern twist, incorporating a classic fairytale with a modern theme. Connect the story to our present times, how does it relate to us? How do we relate to them? Is everything really plain black and white in the story? How is it not? How are we able to distinguish what is and what isn't as the moral in the story?" said Mr. Killgarah. "Be creative in your presentation." He spun to the front of the class. "Now just to make everything fair, I have already picked partners for this assignment, and to make things even fairer, I've cut-out a list of fairytales and jumbled them in this box" he lifted a plain shoe box. "And one person from each pair, will come up and reach into the box and randomly pick out the title of their story. This project isn't due for another two weeks, so you lot will have plenty of time to finish it."

Mr. Killgarah began listing off the names in pairs, each coming up and drawing out their topics out of the box.

"Pecrival and Valliant."

"Leon and Guinevere."

"Mordred and Katelyn."

And as the names were called off one by one, Merlin grew wary of the names that were remaining.

“Arthur Pendragon and Merlin Emrys.”

Then when everything seemed to be fine, it wasn't fine at all.

Just like that Merlin was sure the entire universe was against him. Sure, he agreed to patch things up with Arthur, but that was only yesterday! And that didn’t mean it gave the universe permission to stick him and Arthur together at every opportunity. But, tn a way, this situation was fortuante, since he was sure he was never going to willingly make contact with Arthur anyhow. At least this way they can sort of start slow and build up whatever it is that may result in their not-so-friendship.

Gwen snapped her fingers in front of Merlin's face. "Merlin? Are you there?" Arthur has already picked out the fairytale for you both."

Merlin turned his head towards Arthur. Arthur was heading towards his desk, wih a folded piece of paper in his hand. Merlin sat there patiently waiting as Arthur merely lifted his arm and unfolded the paper in front of Merlin. Arthur quirked an eyebrow and simply gave the piece of paper to Merlin.

_Beauty and The Beast_

Merlin didn't know whether to laugh or sigh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _kudos, comments, criticism, etc, are much appreciated ♥_
> 
>  
> 
> p.s. I know this took _forever_ and I apologize. I'm not good with writing multi-part fics. I tend to just write a bunch of scenes, try to squish 'em together and hope it works out... yeah. (takes a while to edit)


	3. What Happened Once, Shall Happen Twice

At the end of class, Merlin waited by Mr. Kilgarah’s desk while everyone left for their next class one by one.

“Mister Emrys, what can I do for you?” asked Killgarah.

“Please allow me to switch project partners.” Merlin winced at his blunt tone. “I mean—I don’t have anything against Arthur, I just think it would benefit both Arthur and I if we were assigned different people.”

Mr. Kilgarah gathered his papers together, carefully paper clipping them, and without looking up asked “I may consider it, if you give me a valid reason.”

Merlin didn’t know what to say. It wasn’t a valid reason for him to trade partners because he simply didn’t feel comfortable around Arthur. When he thought about it again, he sounded like such a wuss.

“Just think about this Merlin, Arthur is a very bright student, and unlike a lot of the other students, he’ll be willing to split the work evenly.” said Kilgarah. “I hope you really try to co-operate with him. I would think you two would complement each other.”

* * *

Apparently, despite Merlin’s efforts in avoiding Arthur Pendragon, there really was no realistic way for him to completely cut off all ties with Arthur. That being said, Merlin found himself being thrown into a full on schedule with the said boy. In fact, Arthur was the one who initiated scheduling a time and a place to start their assignment, as soon as possible. Merlin was doing his best to put-off any after school meetings with the boy. Since Arthur had football practice after school nearly every day, which Merlin was silently grateful for, they had to work around the limited hours they had. 

School for the following week proved to be a challenge. The most difficult parts of the days were sitting in front of Arthur and piecing together a suitable presentation for one of the most heart-breaking beautiful fairy-tales. It was awkward. What’s worse was that it seemed like Merlin was the only one being uncomfortable in his seat, practically sitting in the furthest corner of his seat, whereas Arthur wasin the seat in front of him, slouched back, perfectly content with doing most of the brain storming.

“So I thought maybe we could say how not everything is really all that it seems, like judging a book by its cover sort of thing.” said Arthur. “That’s basically the whole moral of the story.”

Merlin hummed in approval. He glanced up at Arthur, to find him staring straight at him. “Seems a bit too cliché for my tastes though.” muttered Merlin.

Arthur grinned and leaned in, the desk being the only object blocking Arthur from coming any closer.  “Yeah I suppose it is init?”

Merlin unconsciously leaned back away from Arthur and looked at the clock. _Ten minutes._

> There were rumours spreading of Merlin. Well, Merlin _and_ Arthur, if you wanted to nit-pick. Ealdor was a small town and when there was talk, there was _a lot_ of talk. Rumours spread like wildfire and misconceptions grew. Merlin and Arthur. They were close. Closer than the closest of friends were and probably closer than they should have been. Sure, when they were younger, everything was innocent and all fine and cuddly. But things get complicated when you age, especially in prepubescent-teenaged years, things begin to take a turn for a whole new destination. Nothing stays the same, and you can never get too comfortable for long.
> 
> Summer just ended a few days ago, and school was just around the corner. Arthur was back from his vacation and Merlin was ecstatic to see him again.
> 
> They video chatted and sent e-mails back and forth. Arthur even sent a few photos every now and then just to let Merlin know _Yes I’m alive you idiot, don’t mistake me for being like you, you’re so helpless it’s extremely concerning, I don’t even know how Hunith lets you to stay home alone for a few hours. You can’t even boil water properly!_ Still, it wasn’t the same without having Arthur physically present with him.
> 
> Of course, when Merlin heard the knocking on his door, and rushed out to get it and slammed the door open to find Arthur. For a moment, Merlin stood there a little dazed.
> 
> Arthur smiled. “Hey you!” and grabbed Merlin around the shoulders and shoved them both inside.
> 
> Arthur looked… healthy. Very healthy. He looked like he absorbed a fair amount of sun and his hair was remarkably lighter than the shade it was before. For a bad comparison, Arthur looked like a classic Californian Beach-Boy-Surfer-Dude.
> 
> For a while when Arthur was away in Cali, Merlin thought Arthur would want to move away to a big city. Honestly, the big city did suit Arthur’s tastes. After all, he was born in Camelot, the city known for its high end class and bustling activity. The polar opposite of Ealdor. He wouldn’t be surprised if he woke up one day and Arthur was packing up his things and moving back to his hometown. He brought it up once with Arthur, and Arthur smirked and pinched Merlin’s cheek. _D’aaw, is wittle Merwin all scared that I might leave?_ Yeah, he never brought it up after that.

Merlin was in a daze, when Arthur snapped his fingers in front of him. He jolted back. “Sorry what?”

“I asked you if you wanted to come over after school later to work on the project.”

Merlin blinked. ”You mean, like, today?”

Arthur shrugged. “Well, yeah. I don’t have practice today, and I assume it’s not going to be inconvenient for you since we live so close to each other.”

Merlin was not prepared for this. He wasn’t ready for an exclusive invitation to Arthur’s house. The thought hasn’t even crossed his mind. He figured they were going to go to the library or a stay at school, or find a neutral workplace.

“Uh well, I don’t know, today’s not the best day, maybe… tomorrow?”

A flash of hurt spread across Arthur’s face, but was quickly composed. “Well, I have a short practice tomorrow, so if you don’t mind waiting for me after school, we can go straight to my house in my car.”

Merlin nodded absentmindedly dropping his eyes to the scribbled sheet of paper of ideas and points that Arthur wrote.

* * *

“What are the chances that you and Arthur are partnered?” asked Will. “I mean seriously, out of everyone in the class, you get him.”

Merlin groaned, lightly smacking his head against his desk repeatedly. “I know, don’t remind me!”

Will sighed. “Well, at least now you guys can work out the awkward sexual tension.”

Merlin snapped his head up and glared. “There is no tension of any kind.” Will smirked and shook his head.

“Oh Merlin, Merlin.” Will patted the messy mop of hair of Merlin’s. “You naïve little boy. It’s there, the tension is so thick I’m surprised we don’t need oxygen masks every time you two walk past each other.”

Merlin waved Will away. “You’re hallucinating.”

“Uh, dude, I’m pretty sure everyone has noticed something is up with you two, well, anyone who knew you guys back in the day.” Will stated.

* * *

The next morning Merlin was so relieved that their teacher was out sick and left them a movie to watch in class instead of the normal routine of working in pairs with their assigned partner. He didn’t think he was going to be able to hold a decent conversation with Arthur, let alone pull together some creative thoughts to put in their presentation.

What’s worse, Gwen was sick at home, so that added a little more gloom to his day. Merlin wanted to say he didn’t glance at the door every minute, checking to see if a certain blond was going to stride into class late. And while the sub was taking attendance, Merlin kept his eyes on the door, waiting for the door to swing open.

Just when Merlin relaxed his tense shoulders, the door swung open and in came a dishevelled blond, huffing and puffing.

“Sorry I’m late sir,” Arthur said breathlessly. “I woke up a bit late.” He smiled a sheepish smile.

The teacher nodded curtly, and gestured for him to take a seat.

Unlike the usual route where Arthur takes to walk to his normal seat, he pivoted around and headed for the far corner of the room. For a moment it looked like Arthur was going to sit next to Mordred, but he kept walking, until he reached the seat in front of Merlin, to which Merlin presumed was now Arthur’s new desired seat.

He grinned at Merlin and sat down on the chair, shifting it closer towards Merlin. “Hey.”

Merlin fumbled to find his words. “Hey,” he said.

“So, I just wanted to let you know my dad’s at a meeting, and I’m not sure when he’s going to be back. I hope that’s cool with you.”

“Yeah sure, sounds good.” It was _not_ good. It was probably the one thing he wished wouldn’t happen. Being stuck in a room with Arthur Pendragon for hours. Alone.

Thankfully, the lights were shutoff and Arthur turned his back to Merlin to face the tv.

Merlin slumped in his chair, letting out a shaky breath.

* * *

At lunch Merlin and Gwen sat in the cafeteria, while Will was in detention and Elena was organizing student council stuff.

“You know, I think this is good. You and Arthur can finally work out the weird tension.”

Merlin groaned. “Are we really that bad?”

“Yes you are.” said Gwen giggling as Merlin exaggerated his eye-roll. She wrapped an arm around one of Merlin’s. “Don’t worry. I have a funny feeling things are going to work out for the better.”

* * *

After school, Merlin sat on the bleachers fiddling with his sleeve.

Luckily Lance and Leon were on the football team so Merlin didn’t really feel like he was awkwardly waiting there without a familiar face.

The football team came out jogging around the track a couple of times. The attendance was pretty bad, since they were still recruiting new teammates. The heavy rain clouds, slowly looming over the field didn’t help with the team’s enthusiasm.

Of course it was impossible to not have noticed the bright blond flop of hair running on the field, placing fluorescent pylons in rows on the field. After the warm ups, Coach Bayard blew his whistle and instructed his team for drills. There was basic, side shuffling around the pylons, dribbling, and the classic push-ups and sit-ups.

That was right about when Merlin lost interest and made himself comfortable, taking out a book and huddling over it so that any potential rain drops would miss the pages.

Occasionally there was cheering from the team as they played practice games and Merlin would look up to see someone high-fiving or slapping each other butts or even chest-thumping each other.

Practice proved to be short, around an hour long or so. The field was starting to get pretty muddy and the bleachers had little puddles everywhere. The team rushed into the school and Merlin was quick to pack up and head inside before the rain was going to soak him.

Merlin decided to wait outside the gym. He couldn’t help but feel a little out of place. He was never really around the P.E. hall or offices. Other than the time he took P.E. in his first year, he was pretty much free from the gym. Merlin paced along the floor, listening to the squeaks of his damp shoes against the shiny tiles.

“Merlin.”

Merlin whipped around to see Lancelot there, toweling his hair. “Arthur should be out in a minute or so.”

Merlin skipped over to Lance and sighed dramatically. “Oh Lancelot, please save me from the forth-coming awkward situation.”

Lance laughed and pulled Merlin in a side hug. “It’s going to be fine, just chill out. Arthur’s going to be a great partner for your project.”

A couple of the other players were out and making a ruckus, and just being boys.

“Merlin!” shouted Leon. “Did you see my goal?”

Merlin shrugged. “I wasn’t really paying attention.”

Leon grabbed the left side of his chest and gasped, leaning on Merlin for support. “Merlin! I think you just wounded me with your words, which is all in all pretty impressive.”

Merlin laughed and shoved Leon off of him.

Arthur came out a minute later with Percy. They both saw Merlin and Arthur smiled, waving Merlin over. Merlin said bye to Lancelot and Leon, ambling over to Arthur as Percy walked away to join Leon.

“So, you ready to go?” asked Merlin.

Arthur nodded with small smirk on his lips. “Eager are we?”

Merlin stiffened, cheeks stubbornly turning pink. “Watch it Pendragon. You can tease me all you want _after_ we ace this project.”

Arthur quirked his eyebrow and shook his head chuckling. “I’ll remember that, Merlin.”

Merlin and Arthur made their way to the car park and Merlin nearly choked on air when he got a good look at Arthur’s car. Merlin stood there a moment, admiring the sleek red styled car. He kind stood there a while, until he realized Arthur was already inside and honked.

“I never pictured you with a red car.” said Merlin as he ducked in the car and buckled his seatbelt.

Arthur tsked. “Oh Merlin, have you forgotten? Red is a Pendragon colour.”

Merlin snorted. “Of course.”

“Besides, it was either going to be red or yellow for Pendragon colours, and the yellow the car dealer offered was hideous.”

Arthur turned down the radio, and a tiny bell ringtone went off from his pocket. Arthur checked his phone, before sighing and replying with a quick text.

Merlin glanced his way but turned to stare out the rain streaked window.

The ride was pretty quiet. They bounced back ideas of their project, and then gave brief descriptions about their summer. Arthur got to go away on a business trip with his father, and Merlin volunteered at a local animal shelter. Arthur turned to Merlin and smiled. “That’s totally something you would do.” Merlin’s heart gave a little _bip_ and he could see the little crooked teeth of Arthur’s, and he could see Arthur’s hair was still a little wet—and yeah, the rain-streaked window was much more appealing to look at. It’s not like Merlin was going to suffer from consistent heart damage or anything.

The rest of the drive was filled with Olly Murs voice and the tapping of rain against the windows.

When they finally got around to their neighbourhood, Merlin felt a bit of tension that he had no idea was there, just melt away.

They rushed out of the car and into the house. Merlin sort of tripped over his feet a bit but caught his balance when Arthur grabbed for his arm.

“Still the same I see.” Arthur chuckled as Merlin huffed, slipping his backpack off and toed off his shoes. “I’m just going to change and then I’ll be back. Help yourself to whatever’s in the fridge.” Arthur sprinted up the stairs and shut the door of his room.

Merlin looked around. Now, Merlin has been wondering for a while, how much of Arthur’s house he could still recognize. Turns out, there really wasn’t much of the old house left.

The old wooden dinner table was replaced by a clear see through glass table. The red couches that circled around a small black coffee table were gone, and sleek, black, leather sofas were placed facing a massive flat screen t.v. There was even a small chandelier hanging over the spiral staircase. The old kitchen was torn out and Uther evidently was able to have the top models of kitchen equipment, complete with a touch-activated faucet, oven and fridge. The old pictures that Arthur drew and attached to the fridge with magnets were replaced with photos of Uther, Arthur and Morgana. The old photos of Arthur’s mother that hung on the walls of the living room, were now all re-framed and placed meticulously in a glass case.

Merlin heard Arthur open the door and came out wearing an old baby blue t-shirt and jogging sweats, carrying a laptop.

“Now, where should we start?” asked Arthur.

 Merlin sank into the leather couch, “I guess we could start with a draft.”

Arthur sat beside Merlin on the couch and opened up his laptop.

Merlin pulled out his notebook and a pen. “Ready for note taking.”

Arthur looked at Merlin with an ‘ _are you serious?’_ face. “Alright, so we probably should introduce the story a bit, you know, like a brief excerpt.” Arthur said. “And then go into details about the main characters, how they relate to modern times, how they don’t, make comparisons between their time and our time. Then bring out the moral and explain that.”

“Hold on! I can’t write that fast!” Merlin furiously scribbled down on the page.

Arthur laughed. “We don’t have to take notes on anything right off the bat.”

“I like to make outlines of what I’m going to say or do.”

“Oh yeah, we should make an outline for Killgarah too,” said Arthur.

Merlin nodded, and then their conversation was cut off, with a ringing coming from Arthur’s butt.

Arthur sheepishly grinned. “Sorry, I’ll just be a sec,” and Arthur was off the couch and in the hall.

Merlin was left there doodling on the corners of the pages. He gave up trying to draw fire being puffed out of a dragon and slumped.

He heard footsteps creak the hardwood floor, and Arthur hurried back beside Merlin. “Sorry about that,”

Merlin shook his head. “No, it’s fine. Who was it anyway?”

“Sophia,” Merlin stiffened, back straight. Arthur put his laptop on his lap, scrolling through his files. “Apparently she was wondering where I was, and why I haven’t been over to her house yet. I swear you tell her one thing and two seconds later it just flows right back out the other ear.”

Merlin chuckled. “She sounds like an interesting individual.”

Arthur huffed. “Yeah sure, she’s just a bit—ugh. She just her, I guess.”

Merlin frowned. “Are you guys having problems?”

Arthur leaned his head back on the couch and rolled his head to the side to face Merlin. “I guess you can say that.”

Merlin tilted his head in a curious sort of way. “I’m sure you guys will work it out.”

Arthur sighed. “Maybe.”

“Have you guys just started getting a bit off with each other?”

Arthur shook his head. “No—well, I guess when we first started going out, it was all good, but that’s really for all relationships, I think. She’s cool, but she’s… I don’t know, she’s not the same as when we were first going out. She’s changed. We’ve sort of been talking about going on a break for a while, at least until we know where we’re headed.”

“Do you want to be with her?” asked Merlin “I mean you guys can’t really be in a relationship if it isn’t mutual.”

“I like her. I like her a lot. But that’s it, it’s just nice being with her, nothing else really.” Arthur rubbed his face with his hands, massaging his temples.

“Well, maybe she feels the same way too, you never know. You guys are probably just stuck in a rut. Ask her what she wants, ask her if she’s bored or interested in someone else. Ask her if she still wants to be with you. Just ask, you’re never going to know unless you take the first step.”

Arthur just looked slightly awed for a seconds before responding.“I’m sorry I just dumped this on you all of a sudden.”

Strangely Merlin didn’t feel awkward talking about Arthur’s girlfriend, _with_ Arthur. Maybe that was because Merlin himself never really experienced a long term intimate relationship.

“Its fine, I’m sure you have some things you want to get off your chest.”

For a while Arthur and Merlin merely stared at each other, comfortable with familiarizing themselves with each other. Merlin really drowned himself in every detail he could find of Arthur’s. The highlights in Arthur’s hair, and the extra shade in Arthur’s skin.

It all came crashing down when Merlin looked away. _Crap_. Merlin cleared his throat. “So, you know, talk to her and work things out.”

Merlin felt shifting in the cushions beside him and Arthur was up and out of the couch, gesturing over to Merlin. “Thanks Merlin.” Arthur smiled, but something in his eyes made it clear his mind was pre-occupied. “C’mon, let’s order pizza.”

* * *

It was ten o’clock when Merlin was home, and Hunith was still at the office working late, adjusting into her position as a local newspaper editor.

Merlin went straight up to his room and collapsed into his bed. His evening with Arthur was better than he expected. After coming up with the draft of their presentation and putting together a crappy powerpoint, they had pizza and talked for a bit and then watched a bit of television. A lot of their conversation was filled with long silences in between.

It was hard to figure out how to talk causally, tip-toeing around certain subjects. Merlin could tell Arthur wanted to ask how America was, how Avalon High School compared to Ealdor High, if Merlin was thinking about moving back to America. If he met anyone special. But Arthur kept it to himself. To a certain extent Merlin was glad he did. He didn’t mind answering questions Arthur had for him, but there was a fine line that separates curiosity and invasion of privacy. Some of the information Arthur was curious about, definitely was none of Arthur’s business. Although they’ve somewhat agreed to start being acquainted to each other, essentially they were strangers. They knew nothing about each other, other than the rumours and gossip that travels around. They haven’t properly spoken to one another until this week. There were so many things they were going to have to learn about each other again, before he was going to be anywhere near as comfortable as he would like to be around Arthur, and share things with Arthur.

Merlin rolled over on his stomach, burying his face in his pillow. He was exhausted. There was leftovers in the fridge, and his mother is probably going to throw a fit if he skips dinner. He couldn’t help but feel his eyelids weigh down, slowly drooping shut.

He’ll deal with dinner and Arthur, later.

* * *

The rest of the week, Merlin and Arthur were finding their groove into things. The project was nearly finished with just a few touch ups left to do. But after the project, Merlin and Arthur really had no reason to continue on with their get-togethers. Sure both of them made the effort to say hi in homeroom and smiled at each other in the halls, but neither of them made any indication of breaking the ice and taking the initiative towards their on-going acquaintance-friendship process. Albeit Arthur was busy with football and Merlin was… Merlin was figuring what to do in his extra time. For while, Merlin thought if they were going on as the way they are, they are just going to end up right back to the beginning, with pretending that the other doesn’t exist.

Sometimes when Merlin, Will and Gwen walk home together they pass by the school’s field and Merlin’s eyes wander off to the field where the football team is warming up and Gwen has to squeeze Merlin’s hand to bring him back to the conversation.

Gwen and Will have noticed that Merlin and Arthur are on better terms.

In class, Gwen and Merlin had their corner in the room, while everyone else around them switched up their seats every now and then, including Arthur. Arthur was penetrating Gwen and Merlin’s corner of the classroom. Mostly because of the fact Merlin and Arthur were partners in the project, but still, it was unnecessary, especially when they had pretty much finished the entire assignment. But Arthur continued to make a beeline for Merlin’s desk and smile and say _hi_ and bring up the project, and Gwen, being the ever sneaky ninja she was, would get up out of her seat, walk towards Mordred and that gave Arthur the incentive to make himself welcomed to Gwen’s chair, and they’d chat for a bit until the bell rang.

At lunch Merlin, Gwen and Elena were in their usual spot on the bleachers and Lance would show up later with Arthur, joking and laughing. The most acknowledgement Merlin thought he was going to get from Arthur was a wave or a casual smile, but Arthur went out of his way to sit next to Merlin start a conversation with Merlin. When Will finally showed to the group he was taken aback when he found Arthur in _his_ spot next to Merlin, and he would grumble a bit before plopping down next to Elena.

9 times out of 10, Merlin is early to school and settled in front of his locker, legs tucked in his chest and book in his hand. He liked getting to school early when it was quiet and he had time for himself to relax in the morning, unlike a lot of other students who rush into class 10 seconds before the bell.

Only this time Merlin’s morning routine has changed a bit. When he gets to school, prepared for an empty hallway, he sees Arthur already there, sitting on the floor, back pressed up against his locker, across from Merlin’s. The first time Merlin saw Arthur there alone, he thought about walking right back around and go to the library instead. He would rather not witness another make out session, thank you very much. What Merlin failed to do was keep out Arthur’s sight, and so now, Arthur was waving at Merlin and waiting for him to come over, and yeah Merlin wasn’t that much of a jerk to just walk out.

Arthur gathered his things and plopped his things beside Merlin and made himself comfortable.

So that’s how they began their own little secret early morning meetings.

* * *

Merlin bit the bullet and made the first move.

It was fifteen minutes before first period started and Arthur was there once again, in front of Merlin’s locker.

Merlin and Arthur exchanged grins and made small talk. Small talk was easy now. Little details that would bore anyone else, but apparently Arthur was genuinely interested in what he had for dinner last night and what time he fell asleep and what he did in his spare time.

Sometimes Arthur asked things like, _So do you still have your stuffed dragon? What did you name it, uh er…_

Merlin was going respond to something similar to _I can’t believe you still remember Aithusa, and yes I named her Aithusa, what? It’s a cool name_. Instead, out of the blue, Merlin just blurted out “Do you want to come over to my house after school?” Merlin didn’t know where that came from. He wasn’t even thinking about inviting over anyone of his friends that day, but apparently he subconsciously wanted Arthur there. He wanted to spend time with Arthur. And he didn’t want to think about the possibility of them returning to the way they were before. This was a solution, well, a short-term solution.

Arthur looked like Merlin sprouted a second head. But then the confused face relaxed into a lop-sided grin. “Sure. Lucky for me I don’t have practice today.”

Merlin’s chest tightened and he felt himself smile back at Arthur.

* * *

Merlin walked in the cafeteria at lunch and ambled to the table where Elena waved at him. As soon as Merlin set his bag down and sat down in front Elena, she started. “Oh my gosh, did you hear?”

Merlin frowned, taking a bite out of his sandwich. “Hear what?” he mumbled.

Elena grinned manically, and Merlin had the urge to pat her shoulder and call a health department.

“I heard from Leon that Arthur was thinking of dumping Sophia, like a week ago, but then today I heard that Arthur talked to Sophia before second period and told her he needed a break. She started babbling to him and eventually she teared up a bit, but Arthur just hugged her and she shoved him away and went to class.”

The world felt like it paused just for a second. Everything didn’t matter except that moment where Merlin felt the knot in his chest loosen a fraction. It didn’t change anything. All it meant was the girls in their grade would probably be after the newly available Pendragon. It was screwed up, how Merlin felt a tiny spark that just created a burning sensation in his chest. He knew nothing was going to change for him, at least, not the way he wanted.

> Merlin knew there was something different about how he sees his friendship with Arthur. In his last year of junior high, Leon and Percival were already admiring the female population.
> 
> Arthur was still a kid. Arthur wasn’t even at the stage of oogling girls yet or whistling at the pretty leggy girls that walked by, or the models in magazines who had magnificent bodies. Arthur was still set in the stages of watching cartoons, playing football, and eating two bags of chips for lunch, because that’s what kids do.
> 
> Whereas Merlin was trapped in a child’s body, when his mind was prepared for his teenage hormones. He was ready to move on and experience something different. Merlin wanted more. He wanted more of the tingly feelings inside his chest every time Merlin sees Arthur running through the field. He wanted to plant that feeling, like a seed, in his heart, and nurture it and feel it grow. He knew the feeling was different from normal friendship, but Merlin kept pushing away the thoughts. He knew it was wrong of him to think thoughts like that. To want Arthur to feel something _remotely similar_ for him, when really Merlin should be the one compressing in his emotions.
> 
> Sometimes he feels he needs to slow down and enjoy the time he has with Arthur, because they’re only young once, and growing up is a whole different ball-game.
> 
> Before he knew it, Merlin was aware of his feelings for Arthur. It hit him all at once, punching him in the gut.
> 
> Merlin and Arthur were in the seventh grade. He was walking home, stopping by the field to check out the football game going on. Then his eyes landed on a blond boy, pressed close up against a brunette girl. Merlin froze in place, feeling his stomach do an unpleasant flip.
> 
> Arthur was standing in on the sidelines, hands roaming up a slender back, until it met long brown hair. His fingers were tangled in it, but his other hand came up to the girl’s face, stroking out the locks of hair. The girl stood up straighter, before she got up on her tip-toes and kissed Arthur’s cheek. Arthur shifted their embrace, with his arm coming around her shoulders, and him leaning down to kiss her on the lips.
> 
> It was innocent, just a brush of lips, but it was enough for Merlin to finally know what he felt for Arthur. He felt something shrivel up and wither away, and that was when Merlin knew, he _just knew_ , he was in love with his best friend.
> 
>  
> 
> Arthur never _ever_ mentioned the girl he kissed on the field, under the old tree. Merlin desperately wanted to know who she was. Were they together? Has he gone further with her?
> 
> Merlin wasn’t losing sleep over Arthur, nor was he devastatingly heartbroken. He was hurt, but Merlin wasn’t expecting anything else. Somewhere in the corner of his mind, Merlin _always_ knew whatever he felt, Arthur was never going to reciprocate. So it was good, in a way, that Merlin was proactive and built a wall around his heart, before he went into shock from the heterosexual kiss he witnessed.
> 
> But the shock took a toll on him. It showed Merlin with his own eyes, that Arthur was in fact straight, and the evidence was right there for Merlin to see. It made it all the more clearer to him that he wasn’t interested in girls the he should have been.
> 
> Merlin was subtly cautious around Arthur. He didn’t keep a distance away from Arthur or his footie-mates. Merlin still joked about, and listened to Arthur when Arthur needed someone to talk to. He stayed after Arthur’s football games and went out for victory pizza and ice-cream. He still went over to Arthur’s house almost every day. But Merlin was careful to thoroughly avoid certain topics involving girls. He avoided being reeled into a double date with his best friend. He filtered thoughts and made sure to never slip up.
> 
> Merlin wasn’t sure where Arthur stood on the whole gay rights thing, but Merlin was pretty sure Arthur had never given it much thought
> 
> And so began the long dreadful year of Merlin anxiously waiting for Arthur to finally have a girlfriend and begin his relationships.

Merlin wasn’t really expecting Arthur to wait for him at his locker, at most he thought Arthur would just stop by to Merlin’s house later on in the afternoon-evening. But there he was, all gorgeous and nonchalant, scrolling through his phone, an earphone plugged into one of his ears.

Merlin walked up to Arthur and cleared his throat. “Excuse me but I think you’re blocking access to my locker. “

Arthur smiled at Merlin, pulling out his earphone. “Hey, I was worried you might have left already.”

Merlin’s face must have shown his confusion because Arthur hurried to explain himself. “I mean, I know we didn’t really agree at a specific time to meet up and I thought it might be weird if I just showed up at your place and you weren’t there yet and you know, I might have to wait outside your house like a creeper, and I thought you might like a ride in my car since, you know… it’s convenient that we live across from each other.”

Merlin internally squished in the bubbling feeling rising up to his neck. It was all too good. Everything was being puzzled together to fit perfectly, and the puzzle was nearly complete except for that one last piece that’s still missing. That’s what Merlin’s heart feels like, right at that exact moment.

“Well, you’re here now, let’s go.” said Merlin.

That’s how Merlin wound up in Arthur’s posh red sports car. He was forcing himself to relax and breathe, ignoring the fact Arthur was a mere couple inches away from him humming along to the radio.

Hunith was still at the office when Merlin and Arthur got to Merlin’s place. Arthur took his time, peeling off his shoes, glancing around the house, admiring the new furniture and accessories. “This place looks good.” The compliment sounded genuine with a hint of nostalgia. Merlin knew the mixture of emotions all too well.

“Thanks.” Merlin set his bag down next to the couch and flopped down on the far right side of the couch. Arthur sat right next to him, barely leaving a couple of inches between them. And a flash of memory played before Merlin’s eyes. Back when they were nine and Merlin and Arthur jumped on the couches until they were both sick and they had to lay down.

Merlin tensed instantly, and Arthur could probably tell with the way Merlin was rigidly sitting. Arthur reached for the remote and turned on the tv. “I wonder if Sherlock is on tonight.” said Arthur, glancing over at Merlin with the same smile showing off his adorable teeth—and no.

Merlin stood up abruptly, feeling his boundaries were being diminished merely from a silly grin. Arthur looked up at Merlin worriedly. “Are you alright?”

Merlin nodded, squeezing his fingers into a fist. “Just going to make some chocolate covered popcorn.” With that he walked into the kitchen a little too quickly, and his socks lacked grip against the smooth tiles of the kitchen, almost slipping.

As soon as Merlin was in the kitchen, he took in a large breath and slowly exhaled. Merlin felt a twinge of guilt. Arthur was there being polite, and not even ten minutes in their get-together was Merlin already avoiding him. Merlin shook his head and brought out the popcorn machine and poured in the popcorn seeds. The machine blasted to a rowdy grinding noise and Merlin didn’t even notice that Arthur walked into the kitchen. So when Merlin turned around to get the cocoa, he jumped back when Arthur was there right behind Merlin and nearly bumped into him, and yeah, that’s was the moment when he did slip.

Luckily Arthur caught Merlin by the shoulders, and Merlin’s reflexes kicked in, his hands curling around Arthur’s sweater sleeves.

“Sorry, almost forgot it’s never good to intentionally or unintentionally sneak up on you.” Arthur joked, gently retracting his hands. Merlin sighed, placing his arms by his side. Merlin shuffled around Arthur, keeping himself occupied and thus losing eye contact with the heart-stopping boy.

“It’s fine.” Merlin said monotonously.

Arthur followed Merlin towards the cupboard. “Do you need any help?”

Merlin shook his head. He looked at Arthur and held his gaze for a second. “I’m sorry I’m not really myself today. I don’t even know why.”

Arthur ruffled Merlin’s hair, a gesture that Merlin didn’t even remember Arthur doing before, until that very moment, he had no idea how much he missed Arthur’s warm palm.

“Merlin,” Arthur’s voice hushed down to a little whisper. “I can never know what you are thinking.” For a second Merlin thinks the sentence was meant to be a silent thought, and Arthur didn’t even realize he said it out loud.

They continued to stare at each other and Arthur probably thought he could find something in Merlin’s eyes. Something that Merlin wants to say out loud, trying to pry into Merlin’s thoughts to find what Merlin wants to tell him and finally let it out, and Merlin could see it all. The way Arthur desperately searched his eyes, and to Merlin’s relief, Arthur couldn’t find anything.

Merlin grabbed the bowl of popcorn and latched his fingers on to Arthur’s wrist. “C’mon, Sherlock starts in five minutes.” Arthur blinked for a second before giving into Merlin’s grip and smiling exasperatedly.

“You better not hog all the popcorn.”

Arthur sat first, on the left of the couch, folding his legs on the cushions. Merlin sat to his back on the arm rest and tucked his legs into his chest, placing the bowl of popcorn between them. Arthur’s face screwed up into a frown, and Merlin was going to ask what was wrong, when Arthur placed the bowl of popcorn on his lap, and lifted his body up and right next to Merlin. Merlin curled his fingers in, not into a fist, and not even putting pressure on his fingers, just merely trying to distract himself, and stop himself from flushing over some stupid tiny gesture.

If he spread out his toes and shuffled his feet further down, he could reach Arthur’s thighs, and that much space between them was apparently not enough for Arthur, and Arthur continued to shuffle until, yes Merlin’s toes did indeed brush up against Arthur’s leg. _Dear God._

Merlin let out a disguised breath with a cough. “Okay, time for some badass confusing detectives.”

They stayed in that position for the episode, Merlin slowly relaxing into his seat, despite feeling his feet sink underneath Arthur’s thighs. But then when he reached to get a handful of popcorn, he stopped dead for a moment, realizing just _where_ exactly his hand looked like it was reaching for, and Merlin’s face turned crimson. He sighed and grabbed a handful his popcorn and shoved them in his mouth, ignoring the burning of his cheeks.

Somewhere along the night, both Merlin and Arthur fell asleep. Merlin woke to a stiff neck and back, he glanced around the room, wondering if his mother arrived home yet. He didn’t see any indication of her arrival and relaxed. The last thing he wanted to explain was why Arthur and he were asleep on the sofa. Merlin thought about waking Arthur, but couldn’t bring himself to wake the Adonis. The blond was tucked into a curled position much like Merlin and his head was lolling forward. It was just an adorable scene it was such a shame to ruin it all by waking him.

So Merlin carefully removed himself from the couch, careful to not let the retracting dip wake Arthur. He took his own comforter from his bed and placed it on Arthur, covering, his entire body, lightly tucking it under Arthur’s chin. His fingers accidently touched Arthur’s neck, and he felt how warm the skin was, and how cold his own fingers were, and that must have jolted Arthur awake, since the next moment Arthur groggily woke up, and abruptly sat up, and Merlin gasped.

Yeah the whole scene was startlingly familiar, before where it all happened, where it all caused everything to be where Merlin and Arthur were today.

> Merlin was 11 and Arthur was 11 and a half, proud to always throw it Merlin’s face constantly reminding Merlin that _he_ was the older one, and that he had an obligation for being the older one to look out for Merlin and keep him safe. And Merlin would never admit to it but he secretly _loved_ how much Arthur cared about him, sure Arthur never really outright said he cared about Merlin, but he did imply it anytime he felt Merlin needed his help.
> 
> But now, Arthur was turning twelve and he was blowing out all twelve of his candles. As usual, Arthur’s parties were the talk of their class, and it was amazing how much effort Uther went into creating a spectacle.
> 
> The party was long and one by one each party guest was taken home by their parent, until only Merlin was left and Arthur was exhausted from his sugar high. Uther was cleaning up the backyard from all the streamers and balloons.
> 
> Arthur was laid across the couch, like he just collapsed and he passed out. Merlin went to grab a blanket from the closet, and he draped it over Arthur, covering every inch of his body.
> 
> Merlin stepped back and admired the sleeping boy. To Merlin Arthur was still beautiful. He was beautiful and he was never going to be Merlin’s. Merlin knew a long time ago that Arthur was never going to be his, merely because he didn’t deserve him. Arthur deserved to be with an equally beautiful person who will be with him and make Arthur happy.
> 
> So maybe in the moment, maybe that’s why Merlin unconsciously leaned down towards Arthur. Maybe he always knew in the back of his head that he was never going to have Arthur, so he was going to take whatever he could up until Arthur did find the person he was going to spend the rest of his life with. And maybe that is why Merlin leaned in and gently placed his lips against Arthur’s. That was Merlin’s first kiss with Arthur.

“Merlin?” Arthur groaned sitting up, almost knocking their heads together.

Merlin was still hunched over Arthur, his hands still buried in the fabric of his comforter, and Arthur looked up at him, a bit confusedly and slowly coming to grips with his surroundings.

Then all at once Merlin remembered, remembered all at once, the moment he tried every day to keep it buried in the recesses of his mind.

> “What are you doing?” Arthur jolted back, shoving Merlin away. When Merlin caught his balance he looked at Arthur a little lost. Arthur looked back at him, a slow anger burning in his eyes, full of accusation.
> 
> Merlin opened his mouth to say something, anything, and nothing came out.
> 
> Arthur blinked rapidly, like he was trying to figure out what happened and then he glared at Merlin, and everything clicked. “You _kissed_ me.” And Merlin physically felt like he was slapped across the face. He _never_ heard that kind of venomous tone from Arthur, and never expected it to be directed at him.

Merlin flinched back as Arthur made a move towards him. “I didn’t do anything. I was just putting a blanket over you. I swear I didn’t do anything.”

Arthur’s face changed from confused to understanding to horror. He stood up letting the comforter fall to the floor. “Merlin—“

Merlin stepped back as Arthur took one step forward. “Arthur you have to believe me, I didn’t do anything.” And even to Merlin his voice sounded wrecked.

Arthur’s face looked so pained in that very moment, and Merlin didn’t understand why. “Merlin, it’s fine, I trust you.”

Merlin heard those words and felt a spark of resentment electrocute his entire body. Arthur trusted him? After years of silence, he decides to put his faith in him now?

Merlin couldn’t stop the growing anger rise and then turn to sadness. There was so much time wasted hurting and trying to heal. So much energy used into trying to forget how to stop loving a friend. Merlin was the one who tried to prove every day to Arthur, that their friendship was worthwhile, so afraid that Arthur was going to replace him with one of Uther’s business friend’s son, one with all the money and high-tech toys and private jets. And all in one instance their entire friendship, in Arthur’s eyes, was simply garbage. Years of Merlin burying the pain of ruining their friendship and Arthur basically let him live with all that guilt, when in reality he did forgive him some time ago.

When Arthur said those words, _I trust you,_ it was like all the old wounds Merlin tried sewing up, were ripped open and someone dumped a bottle of alcohol on his wounds in an attempt to heal them.

> “I-I didn’t, well I mean I did, but-but I just wanted to see what it would—“
> 
> “You wanted to see what it was like?” Arthur spat, and it looked like every word in that question was bitter on Arthur’s tongue. But it was all true. Merlin wanted to know what it was like. How different it was going to be like. How similar it was like to Gwen’s kiss.
> 
> Merlin just stood there, feeling numb, as Arthur went through a series of anger and repulse.
> 
> “What is wrong with you?” Arthur shouted. “We’re supposed to be friends—best friends! I thought I could trust you. And you turn around and do that to me when I’m asleep?”
> 
> Merlin quivered, and tried to stay as calm as he could, but he felt his resolve crumble as Arthur furiously wiped at his mouth.

When Merlin made a move to walk around Arthur, Arthur stood up and grabbed him, shoving him against the wall, harder than he intended but there was a sense of anxiety in Arthur’s eyes, a strong desire to keep himself from giving in and merely shouting out all his frustration. Merlin couldn’t bear to look at that face any longer, feeling his own body tremble from far too much desolation.

> “God Merlin, why would you do that?” and this time Arthur didn’t sound angry, just simply hurt. “We are supposed to be brothers. I thought you were the brother I never had.” And that last part was probably only meant for Arthur, but Merlin could still hear it loud and clear. In an instant Arthur’s voice changed into a violent tone.
> 
> “Get out.” Arthur hissed.
> 
> Merlin snapped his head up at Arthur. “What—“
> 
> “Are you an idiot? I said get out. Get out, and never talk to me again.”
> 
> Merlin was purely shocked and remained frozen to the floor. “Arthur, I thought you said we are best friends, I thought we were going to be friends forever.”
> 
> Arthur stood up, pouring all his emotions into the next few words. “Best friends don’t do that to each other. And _clearly_ you don’t think of me as your best friend. If you don’t think of me as just your friends and nothing more, then…” Arthur’s voice cracked. “If you don’t think of me as only your friend and nothing more, then don’t even think of ever talking to me again.”

Apparently Arthur was talking, talking over his flashback, and desperately trying to get his attention. When Merlin focused on Arthur’s face and really did gravitate back to reality, Arthur was already shaking and his voice was cracking as he spoke.

“I know Merlin, I know you’re remembering that day back when we were eleven and when you kissed me. I know that every day you wished that kiss never happened. And God—Merlin I think about it every day too, how I could have handled it differently, how I _should_ have handled it.” Merlin felt Arthur lean in as he spoke since his voice was growing quieter and quivering.

“I told you to go away. I said I wish we never met, and that you and I were never ever going to be friends if you didn’t feel—I god, I told you to never come back and stay out of my life—and I-I regretted it as soon as I said  all those things, but I just couldn’t get a lid on my anger.” When Merlin moved to get a bit of distance of Arthur, Arthur instantly barricaded him to the wall, placing each hand on either side of his head.

“You did exactly that, you acted like nothing happened, acted like everything never happened—and God, when I ignored you, you barely batted an eye-lash, and I knew that you were expecting that kind of treatment from me.” Then Arthur slowly stepped back.

Merlin felt his eyes burn and his mouth dried.

“And then you got accepted into the school abroad. You had the perfect excuse to leave and move on.” said Arthur. “And you did, you packed up and left. What’s worse, I heard the news from Morgana. Eventually you and your mother stopped by and said your goodbyes.”

Unconsciously Arthur’s hand slowly reaching for Merlin’s face. “I was going crazy without you. At least during the two years we didn’t speak to each other, you were still here with me, living right across the street from me. Knowing that you were always going to be within reach was enough comfort for me, that I still had time to fix things with you. I thought one day when I matured, I’d be able to grow a pair and talk to you. But then before I knew it, you were leaving. The whole plan I conjured up in my head, that one day we would be able to go back to the way we were, was gone and you and I were never going to be anything to each other again.”

He gently stroked Merlin’s hair out of his face. “Then I heard you were coming back.” Arthur chuckled. “I was finally starting to get over you. Finally trying to move on without the idiot-dumbo-eared boy in my life. I thought it wasn’t fair how you could just leave and throw me into a world of chaos, and then just return without so much of a warning beforehand.”

Merlin was ready to protest and say he didn’t owe anything to Arthur and last he checked they were nothing more than neighbourly acquaintances, when he was cut off. “But then I realized I put you through a lot of hell too. A lot more.” Arthur quickly added. “I knew it was never fair to ask you to forget about everything from back then.”

Arthur pulled his hand back when he noticed Merlin was hunching in, avoiding his touch.

“I even looked at your facebook page.” Arthur chuckled. “I can’t tell you how many times I thought about adding you on Facebook.”

Merlin stared down at his feet, admiring the small hole in his sock that formed around his pinky toe.

Arthur lifted Merlin’s chin up. “So please, don’t hate me anymore.” whispered Arthur. “I don’t think I can take much more.”

Merlin sighed, side stepping around Arthur. Of course when he looked up at Arthur, he was already waiting for Merlin’s response. He was ready for the worst. Prepared to go back to the way they were before, ignoring each other, but it looked like he was going to be persistent.

“I don’t hate you Arthur.” Merlin started. “I thought you were the one who hated me.”

Arthur looked like the way he was a minute ago, pained.

And that’s around the time they heard the jingling of keys outside the front door, and they jolted back to their surroundings.

Hunith looked up at the two of them and a wide smile spread across her face. “Arthur! What a surprise, it’s so good to see you.” She walked right up to him and gave him a quick, tight, hug. She looked at them both and glanced between the two boys “So, what have you guys been up to?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before I start to type anything else I am really sorry for the month-long update, but this chapter was difficult to write and I hope it was worth the wait. 
> 
> \- the project that merlin and arthur were working on, yeah I basically just threw that in, just so that merlin and arthur would make progress in their weird awkward friendship-thing. so yeah, it has no real significance to the actual story  
> \- if you're curious about anything relating to the story you can always drop a comment or check out my fanfic blog on [tumblr](http://puppets-string.tumblr.com/)
> 
> _kudos, comments, criticism, etc, are much appreciated ♥_


	4. Give it time, lots of time

It would have been so easy, just to simply dismiss Arthur, make up an excuse to why Arthur was there in Merlin’s house. He didn’t want his mother interrogate him. When Arthur and Merlin suddenly stopped speaking to each other, Hunith always wanted them to reconciliate. She never pushed the topic, much to Merlin’s gratefulness, but he could tell that she did miss Arthur very dearly. And now that everything is up in the air, finally being dealt with, Merlin just wanted everything to be fine.

Arthur suddenly spoke up. “Merlin and I were just catching up. We haven’t really hung out since he’s been back.”

Hunith glanced over at her son questionably with a look of _we’ll talk later_.

Hunith smiled at Arthur, taking a few steps to admire Arthur’s grown face. “It’s been so long Arthur. Let me get a good look at you.” She tilted Arthur head, left and right, making a show of examining him and patted Arthur on the cheek. “You should come over more often, I’ve missed you.”

Merlin resisted just throwing his hands up in the air and just screaming.

“C’mon, and stay for dinner.” Hunith offered. “We’re having baked sweet potatoes and chicken salad.”

Arthur glanced sideways at Merlin, like he was asking for permission, like if they were okay enough for them to take this step. Like if Merlin was okay with it.

Of course Merlin wasn’t one-hundred percent sure of anything at that point, but he did want Arthur to catch up with Hunith. She deserved to have her closure with Arthur. But now instead of closure, she could have resolution. “Yeah Arthur, why don’t you stay?” Merlin started, trying to perk up. “It’s been a while since you’ve had a meal with us.”

> Merlin remained in his room for the rest of the night. He didn’t bother explaining to his mother why he was home so early from Arthur’s party. He simply went straight up to his room, shut it close and buried himself in the comfort of his bed, safely tucked away under the covers with Aithusa.
> 
> When his mother knocked on his door, Merlin immediately burrowed further into the bed. “Merlin?” Hunith called. She slowly opened the door and found a lump under the covers in the dimly lit room. “Honey, is everything alright?” she asked.
> 
> Merlin felt the mattress dip, as his mother sat on the edge of his bed. “I thought you were going to sleep over at Arthur’s house tonight.”
> 
> Merlin clutched tighter at his stuffed dragon and buried his face in the fur of the dragon.
> 
> Hunith gently stroked his back, through the sheets and asked. “Did you and Arthur get into a fight?”
> 
> Merlin whimpered, and Hunith’s heart broke at the tiny fragile sound. “Oh sweetie.” Hunith soothed. “Do you want to tell me what happened?”
> 
> Merlin felt all of his strength being used to control the trembling of his body and resisting the prickling of his eyes. “No,”
> 
> “All right,” and Hunith just sat there, soothingly rubbing Merlin’s back.
> 
> Merlin gathered his strength, finally being brave enough to let his mother into a part of him that he kept all to himself. “Mom?”
> 
> “Yes Dear?”
> 
> Merlin paused for a second, collecting his words, and choosing them carefully. “What does it mean, when you feel differently about someone—like specially them, more than anyone else, but they don’t feel the same way about you? Does that mean you’re weird and you shouldn’t be feeling that way at all?” Merlin waited patiently for an answer, and a few seconds passed with Hunith’s stroking stopping altogether.
> 
> “No, it’s not weird at all. It’s normal to feel differently about everyone. You feel differently about me and Gaius, right? And even with Arthur and Will, you feel differently with each of them, don’t you?”
> 
> Merlin hummed in response, feeling remarkably calmer.
> 
> Hunith pulled the covers down, just enough so that she can run her fingers through Merlin’s soft curls. Merlin relaxed, despite the tears that were drying on his cheeks. His mother always knew what to do when he’s upset.
> 
> “I would feel a little bit sad. Sad because the person doesn’t feel the same way about me and there probably won’t be anything I can do about it.” Hunith started again, voice becoming much gentler. “But at the same time I would be a little happy, knowing that that person will always have someone looking out for them—that they will always have my support and they can always count on me, even if everyone else is gone, they will always have me.”
> 
> It was shocking how accurate his mother was. That was exactly the way felt, every day. Helpless that there wasn’t anything he could do, but at the same time, Merlin felt his protective side grow each day he spent with Arthur.
> 
> Merlin felt exhausted and terribly sick. All his energy was drained and he remained still feeling the stroking fingers in his hair. He didn’t know when, but he fell asleep between the soft humming of his mom and the rapidly fading pain in his chest.

The whole time Merlin and Arthur were slicing and dicing vegetables, all Merlin could focus on was the brush of his shoulders against Arthur—and it was stupid but it felt amplified, especially since his mom was just on the other side of the room, prepping the chicken.

“Be careful, Merlin.” Hunith says, “You don’t want to end up like last time, when you sliced open your finger.”

Beside him, Arthur threw his head back with silent laughter, then he looked at Merlin, clearly amused but still with a hint of concern. “Don’t worry Hunith.” Arthur said, looking at Merlin contently. “I’m right here, I’ll make sure he pays attention.”

Merlin looked away, and continued to chop away tersely. In the corner of his eye, he can still see the tiny little smile of Arthur’s and noticed the shake of his head.

Dinner was filled with Hunith poking and prodding Arthur, trying to get as much out of as she could.

_What are you planning on doing after high school? How was your summer? Is Morgana doing well in University? Has Uther found a fourth wife yet?_

Merlin found himself steadily sink further in his seat, trying to erase the amused Arthur sitting right across from him.

* * *

Arthur was gathering his bag and was at the door, slipping on his shoes.

Merlin merely stayed by the wall, until his mother stepped behind him and whispered only so that Merlin could hear. “Why don’t you say your goodbyes outside?”

Merlin felt his ears heat up, instantly. “Mom—“

“Now, Merlin.” said Hunith, resisting to smile, trying keep a calm façade. “I know you and Arthur were working out things before I came in and interrupted you two—which by the way you could have called and let me know you were with Arthur, and I could have come home later, so that you guys could talk longer.” Hunith sighed. “But anyway, you need finish talking with him.”

Merlin wasn’t sure if Arthur heard anything Hunith said, but he followed Arthur out the door, and at his front step.

When Merlin firmly closed the door shut, behind him, Arthur swivelled around facing Merlin, a pleased smile on his face. “I enjoyed dinner.” Arthur said.

Merlin grinned back, but felt a weight tug at him. “Listen, Arthur, if you feel comfortable enough, we can finish our conversation that we had earlier, before my mother walked in. If you don’t that fine too.”

Arthur’s smile faltered into a nervous grin. “Yes, I know. I plan on continuing it.”

Merlin nodded, leaning back against the door. “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Arthur waved goodbye, before heading in the opposite direction.

Merlin stayed pressed against the door, watching Arthur head back to his house. When Arthur got to his door, he turned around and Merlin immediately tensed up, utterly embarrassed. Merlin made a move to go back inside, when he caught Arthur in the corner of his eye, waving at him. Merlin waved back, one hand firmly pushing the door open, still staring at the blond boy.

It wasn’t until Arthur disappeared behind the door, did Merlin snap back and quickly went back inside. He let out a quick breath as he stepped back, his body sliding down the door, until he gathered his knees into his arms and shoved his face in his forearms. _It’s been a long day._

He heard his mother approach him, her slippers slapping against the floor. “Sweetie, are you alright?”

Merlin lifted his head, and gave his mother a tired smile. “I’ve been better.”

* * *

The next morning Merlin found Arthur sitting on the ground, in front of his locker, with Sophia practically draped over Arthur’s. Both of them were so enraptured in their hushed conversation, that they didn’t notice Merlin.

Merlin thought he should let them finish whatever they were talking about—then Sophia looked up and saw Merlin there, at the end of the hall, but she continued talking, and regarded him like a stranger that may have been listening in on their conversation.

“What on Earth are you looking at—” Arthur huffed exasperatedly as he followed Sophia’s gaze. “Merlin.”

Merlin froze on the spot. “Sorry, I was just headed for my locker—and uh—well I guess I’ll come back later—” And before Merlin said another word, Arthur shuffled away from Sophia and shot up, grabbing his bag and Sophia’s hand.

“No no,” Arthur said, sounding a bit panicked. “Sorry, I keep blocking your locker. We’re just gonna go talk privately.”

And with that, Arthur and Sophia rounded the corner in the opposite direction and Merlin heard the hollow echo of a door slamming shut.

* * *

> Slowly one by one, the photos of Arthur and Merlin that Hunith had on their fridge were being taken down and safely tucked away in a special album.
> 
> Hunith brought up Arthur once, the next morning and when Merlin said nothing in response, she never brought him up again.
> 
> In class, Arthur was in the back of the room, in the furthest corner away from Merlin’s seat. When Merlin walked into class, he could easily feel the tension in the room rise, with every step he took. It was like the volume in the room dimmed down until the only noises were coming Arthur and his pack from the corner. Merlin could tell there were eyes on him and Arthur. They never sat apart from each other. But evidently that day was the day Arthur chose to sit in the back with his other friends. That was all the indication Merlin needed.
> 
> There was no in between glances or talks. From then on, if Merlin and Arthur ever crossed paths in the hallway, neither of them acknowledged the other.

Merlin found himself distracted the entire day. He didn’t want to admit it, but it did have something to do with Arthur and Sophia. There were rumours flying around. Arthur and Sophia made up. Sophia being pregnant. Arthur sending Sophia bouquets of flowers to school. Arthur cheating on Sophia, being the reason they broke up. _Just a bunch of bullshit._  

Plus, he hasn’t seen Arthur since the encounter that morning. He was pretty sure Arthur wasn’t avoiding him _per se_ , but he was probably getting away from all the prying girls hovering over him.

Elena rubbed at Merlin’s arm, “Hey Merlin, I know something that’ll cheer you up.”  Elena whispered. Merlin glanced at her, doubtfully. “It’s about Gwaine.”

Merlin’s heart inflated and the mention of the name. “What about him?”

“He’s coming for a visit.” Elena said with a wide smile. “His mom is in Ireland for a job and she gave him permission to come over my house for a while. Mom and dad are excited to see him.”

Will shoved Merlin playfully. “About time! I want to meet this infamous _Gwaine_.”

Merlin rolled his eyes. “You did meet him, remember?”

“Video chatting is not the same thing.” Will said, flicking Merlin on the forehead. “Idiot.”

Merlin swatted away Will, already feeling his mood lifting remarkably.

* * *

Merlin wasn’t thrilled to go to school so early, particularly because he wasn’t sure if he was going to interrupt another cozy conversation with Arthur and Sophia.

Merlin peaked around the corner, to see Arthur sitting on the floor, playing a game on his phone, with two coffees settled beside him. And no Sophia.

“Well this is a bit of a surprise.” Merlin said as he approached his locker. Arthur jumped a little but smiled up at Merlin. He stood up with both cups in his hands.

Arthur shrugged. “I told Sophia yesterday that I was going to be busy in the morning.”

Merlin quirked an eyebrow. “Lying to the Misses?” teased Merlin. “Are you sure you want to do that?”

Arthur rolled his eyes and shoved a plastic cup in Merlin’s hand. “It’s plain.”

Merlin slid down next to Arthur and took a sip. He wanted to ask so badly what was going with Sophia. He snuck a glance at Arthur. He looked like he just rolled out of bed, eyes heavily red-rimmed and tired.

“Cucumbers.” Merlin blurted out.

Arthur stopped playing his game, and frowned, looking at Merlin incredulously. “Pardon me?”

“Cucumbers are good for your skin and I hear they can help with dark circles.” stated Merlin taking another sip. “You look like you haven’t been sleeping well.”

Arthur sighed, leaning back against the metal lockers. “I haven’t.”

Merlin nodded. He nearly slipped out _Is it about Sophia?_ Of course it was about Sophia.

Abruptly, Arthur turned to face Merlin. Arthur looked… concerned? Or at least something close to that. Merlin’s been a bit rust at reading Arthur’s emotions.

“Look, about yesterday,” Arthur started, “Sophia kind of cornered me, and she sort of wanted to talk to me about ‘us’ and she wants to get back together.”

Merlin was just about to spew out the remains of his coffee. “O-okay?” Merlin wiped at his mouth. “Do you want to be with her, again?”

Arthur banged his head lightly against the lockers. “No.” Arthur turned to look at Merlin, eyes filled with exhaustion. “I don’t.”

“Well, there’s your answer.”

* * *

So their long journey on the road to friendship was… interesting. It was like they were starting all over again, from scratch. Becoming friends again, but they already knew some things about each other. Like how Arthur always preferred the window seat with the wind blowing through his hair, and Merlin always preferred his tea all natural with no sugars. They knew the little things about each other, but that was all old stuff. People change. The old things don’t matter, unless you know the current things about the person.

To rectify that problem, Arthur and Merlin spent more time together, more and more each day.

Uther was even pleased to see Merlin when he arrive home early one afternoon. The two were so absorbed in the video game, that they didn’t hear Uther return home. Needless to say Merlin went stiff as a board. And when Merlin went to shake Uther’s hand, Uther pulled on Merlin’s hand and into a hug. “Merlin, I’ve known you since you’ve been wearing footie pajamas. Don’t be so formal.” And Merlin could hear snickering from Arthur as Merlin awkwardly patted Mr. Pendragon’s back.

Arthur came around to Merlin’s house more often, claiming his own house was too big for them, which was fine by Merlin. They spent most of their time either in the living room or in the backyard or even in the kitchen.

It was getting harder to be around Arthur, without the dull ache in his chest throbbing away at him. Every moment they spent to together, in his house, just reminded Merlin of all the days they spent with each other growing up. They used to pretend they were on a cooking show and Hunith would supervise or how they almost fell face first off of Merlin’s hammock in the backyard, or how they even made a campsite right in Merlin’s backyard. Everything in his house reminded him of Merlin and bring Arthur along with him to these things just brought back all those happy memories. It was nostalgic in a way.

* * *

After school, Arthur was there at Merlin’s locker, and when Merlin was in Arthur’s sight, he could tell Arthur noticeably relaxed.

“Hey,” Arthur says. “Wanna go home together?”

Lately Arthur has been waiting for him at his locker and basically acting all nonchalant, when really, Merlin could tell he was really just plain happy to see him, like a puppy. A really adorable puppy.

Merlin was stunned for a second, before finding his words. “Well I was going to walk home with Gwen, but you know, I’m not trying to avoid you or anything like that and you might be thinking that, but like maybe—“

“I could give you guys a ride.”

For some reason, Merlin was really surprised that Arthur was being generous to people he didn’t even _really_ know.

“Well I’m not sure, I’ll ask her—“

“No need, she is on her way now—right behind you.”

Merlin felt someone grab his shoulders and he jumped. “ _God_.” Merlin gasped, shaking. “Stop doing that.”

Gwen giggled, smacking Merlin’s cheek lightly. “It’s just too easy, Merlin.”

Arthur stood there, watching them, and despite Arthur being behind him, he sensed Arthur’s eyes on him, and it’s weird, you shouldn’t be able to feel someone’s stare, but he could feel both of Arthur’s eyes calculating.

“Well,” Both Gwen and Merlin turned to Arthur. “I was going to offer you guys if you wanted a ride home in my car.”

After an awkward “Are you sure?” and “It’s no big deal,” and “Merlin, you never told me how much of a gentleman Arthur was!” Arthur, the smug bastard, was smirking all the way to the car park, and Merlin was trailing after the two, and scowling as Arthur held the door for Gwen—and seriously, Arthur glances over at Merlin and holds the door for him too, and Merlin mutters a ‘thanks’ and Arthur fucking chuckles at him, and Gwen is just beaming at them.

Merlin can still feel his face burn in Arthur’s car. He rode shotgun and he was stubbornly facing the window, listening in on Gwen and Arthur’s conversation.

“I heard you were captain of the football team,” Gwen said casually.

Arthur grinned, and Merlin could virtually see from the corner of his eye the pride seeping through from Arthur.

“I am,” Arthur peered up at his rear view mirror, at Gwen. “I’ve been wanting to be captain since freshman year. But now that I am, I’m a bit tired, actually.” Arthur chuckles. “But it’s all worth it.”

Gwen hummed. “Merlin tells me you make an awesome pizza.”

Merlin sank in the leather seat and groaned.

Arthur laughed, happy and exuberant. “Well, yeah I do.” He gave Merlin a smile. “But really I think I’m just good at pizza because when we were kids,” Arthur gestured towards the space between. “Merlin and I would be bored out of our minds, and Hunith would entertain us by pretending she was a chef on a cooking show and Merlin and I were her audience.” Arthur shakes his head at memory, a very fond smile still very prominent. “My favourite thing she made was her mushroom pizza. So really, I learnt from her.”

Gwen and Arthur kept talking, and Merlin knew she was purposely digging at Arthur, for any info on their past. But really, Merlin couldn’t even be bothered. Listening to Arthur ramble on about them as kids, just leaves a warm fuzz all throughout his body.

* * *

“Gwen seems really sweet.” Arthur says, following after Merlin up the stairs.

Merlin nods. “She’s awesome.”

Merlin pauses in front of his bedroom door. For a second he realizes just what’s going on. Arthur was about to go up _his_ room. Merlin whirls around and faces Arthur. Arthur, who’s so composed and doing the stupid lop-sided grin and he must know what that does to Merlin, because Merlin can feel the unsettling flutter in his chest.

“I can wait downstairs if you want,” Arthur says, swaying from foot to foot. “But to be honest I do want to see what your room is like.”

Merlin shrugs. “You can come in if you want.” And deep down, he kind of hopes Arthur will just decline out of sheer graciousness.

Arthur smiles, a full smile full of teeth and thin lips. That was all the indication Merlin needed, and he took in a breath. He twirls around and opens the door, revealing his old room.

Merlin lets Arthur look around and familiarize himself, while he slouches in his desk chair and boots up his computer.

Merlin tries to ignore the fact that Arthur was in his room. He leans back in his chair, and watches Arthur from the reflection of his full body mirror hanging on his bedroom door. His heart just about stops as he sees Arthur settle down on the edge of his bed, making himself comfortable.

“What happened to all your Harry Potter collectables and Lord of the Rings stuff?”

“I gave some of them away to kids in Avalon, and some are all still packed up in boxes in the attic,” Merlin says, checking his e-mail. “I’m thinking about just selling everything.”

Arthur hums. “Your room feels so bare without all your dorkiness colouring it up.”

Merlin spins his chair. “Hey!” Merlin starts. “It’s not dorky.” And he scrolls through his oldest emails to his newer ones. Ever since he moved back to Ealdor he sort of been cut off from the rest of the world. He pauses at one particular e-mail, _From: Gwaine._

Merlin feels his lips spread into a smile. God, he missed that guy. He was about to click the e-mail open, when he saw an e-mail from Elena that was sent earlier.

 

_Hey Merlin_

_Gwaine just called, he told me he booked a flight to Ealdor next week or so. Don’t tell him I told you, he wanted to tell you first. And I don’t know when exactly he’s coming, he hasn’t told me that detail, so don’t ask me. Remember, you didn’t hear from me._

-      _Elena_

 

God, his cheeks were hurting from the smiling. Merlin was clicking Gwaine’s e-mail next, and was beginning to read it, when he heard shuffling from behind him.

“What are you so chummy about?” Arthur asks, and he was nearing Merlin’s desk. Something inside Merlin flared, and he exited the page.

“Nothing.” Merlin said. “Just catching up with a friend.”

Arthur tilted his head, incredulously. “Is it a friend from Avalon?”

Merlin looked up at Arthur and their eyes were locked. Arthur looked as if he was waiting for Merlin to say something. Something that he wasn’t going to like. Anticipation, is what Merlin found.

Merlin nodded. “A really good friend.” As he said those words, he felt his chest lighten. “I really miss him.”

Arthur nodded absentmindedly. “You could visit him sometime.”

Merlin grinned and stared up at Arthur. “He’s coming to visit soon.”

Arthur looked as if someone slapped him awake. “Really?””

Merlin nit his eyebrows, confused at Arthur’s reaction. “Yeah, I’m not sure for how long though.”

Arthur sighed, breathing in for a moment and then forced a smile. “He must a great guy.”

Merlin relaxed and stood up and headed for his bed. Arthur then took the desk chair, spun it around before sitting down.

Merlin nearly slipped up _He’s one of my best friends_. He wasn’t sure how Arthur would react to that. He didn’t want to stir anything unpleasant. “He’s a great guy.”

Merlin laid flat on his bed, and closed his eyes. He turned his head to the side and peaked at Arthur. Arthur was staring down at his socks, gently rocking the chair side to side. He looked… pensive.

Arthur cleared his throat, and then looked at Merlin. “So,” Arthur starts. “I thought we could finish our conversation from a couple of days ago, before we were interrupted by your mom.”

Merlin tensed, glancing away and up at the ceiling. Things were fine, not really great, but _much_ better. The thick awkward atmosphere that hovered over them, was now diluted into a tolerable fog of jitters. They were making progress. But Merlin was just worried that they were going cross a line that they were never meant to pass.

“Look, Merlin. I know that you probably don’t want to bring it up again, but I seriously think we need to clear the air and just say whatever that’s still bothering us.”

“Nothing is bothering me.” Merlin said. He didn’t bother looking at Arthur. The second he'll look at Arthur, his resolve will crumble and he’ll do anything Arthur wanted. “I’m over it.”

“Obviously you’re not.” Arthur rolled the chair closer to Merlin’s bed. “You won’t even look at me while we’re talking.”

Merlin snapped his head towards Arthur, eyes landing on Arthur’s. “Happy?”

Arthur smiled, eyes delicately softening. “Yes.”

Merlin’s heart nearly skipped out of his rib cage. He turned his head away from Arthur and squeezed his eyes shut. It wasn’t fair how Arthur could do this to him. It wasn’t that no matter what he was probably always going to be at Arthur’s mercy.

“Merlin…” Arthur drawled. Merlin heard the squeak of his chair, and the wheels roll away. His bed dipped at the edge, and he felt fingers swiping his hair away from his face. “Merlin, look at me.”

Merlin felt shuffling beside him, until he felt his bed dipping all around him. Merlin flinched up and found Arthur hovering over him. Sudden heat and panic rose up Merlin’s body. “What are you doing?” his voice sounded much calmer than he felt.

Arthur settled his knees on either side of Merlin’s thighs, his left hand placed beside Merlin’s head, holding up Arthur’s entire body weight. When Arthur moved his right hand closer to Merlin’s face, Merlin recoiled away. Arthur’s eyes drooped, into a sad sort of tiredness that made Merlin cringe. Merlin had no idea where Arthur’s sudden need for physical affection came from, but Merlin was certainly uncomfortable with it.

“Merlin,” Arthur began. “Do you remember when we were kids? Remember when something like cuddling together and snuggling seemed like nothing?” Merlin had really settled down to hear what Arthur was saying, since Arthur’s voice dropped down to a single silent murmur. “Talking to Gwen has opened my eyes a bit.”

Merlin nodded. “Please get off of me.”

“I wish we could go back to those days.” Arthur whispers, ignoring Merlin’s request. “I wish we could go back and stay the way we were.”

Merlin moved his head to the side, unable to stand looking at Arthur’s miserable face.

“Don’t,” and if Arthur didn’t sound so distressed, Merlin wouldn’t have instinctively moved his eyes to look at Arthur. “Don’t do that. Don’t try to pretend that I’m not here.” Arthur curled his fingers around Merlin’s cheek and made them look directly at each other. “I’ve been overlooked enough by you when we intentionally ignored each other.” Arthur whispered. “I really don’t want to be ignored when we’re actually _trying_ to make amends.”

Merlin was in a trance. It all too easy to get caught up in his feelings for Arthur, and the close proximity they were in wasn’t helping his self-control. It was like he was drunk off of Arthur. Intoxicated, even. “Arthur--” and Merlin stopped, not knowing what to say. Merlin shook his head. He reached out and pushed at Arthur’s shoulders. Pushed until Arthur understood that Merlin wanted space. “What has gotten into you?” Merlin nearly shouted, clambering away until he was standing on the other side of the bed.

Arthur winced. “Merlin, I was hoping you were going to catch on eventually.”

“Catch on to what?” Merlin was frustrated and bluntly, fucking tired of interpreting everything that was going between him and Arthur. Were they friends? Were they strangers? Were they nothing to each other?

The phone ringing, startled them both. It was like they were jolted awake from a dream and they were falling back into reality. Merlin hurried downstairs for the phone.

“Emrys Residence.”

“Merlin!” shouted a familiar voice.

Merlin broke into a massive smile. “Gwaine?”

“The one and only.” Gwaine chuckled.

Merlin sat on the couch. “How are you?”

“Good, really good, I got a photo shoot next month.”

Merlin felt his mood lighten. “That’s great.”

“Have you read my e-mail yet?” Merlin could hear the eagerness in Gwaine’s voice. He could almost picture Gwaine’s face, scruffy and lazy.

“No not yet, I was going to.”

“Well, I’m coming over soon, and I know Elena probably told you, don’t lie to me I know her and I know you.

Merlin laughed outright, forgetting that Arthur was still upstairs.

“I can’t wait to see you,” Merlin said, hushed, as he heard the floorboards creak.

“Don’t worry Merlin, you’ll see me soon.” And if Gwaine could he would probably reach out through the phone and ruffle Merlin’s hair.

Merlin smiled at the thought. “I guess I’ll see you next week.”

“Yup, be prepared young one, ‘cause I’m about embarrass you in front of all your friends.” Gwaine warned, with an edge of a promise. “I have to go, still things to do until next week.”

Merlin chuckled. “All right.” He glanced up as Arthur made his way towards him.

“See you soon.”

“Call me before you get here,” Merlin says.

“Will do.” Gwaine said

 And with that they hung up.

Merlin looked up at Arthur.

“Who was that?” Arthur asked.

Merlin shrugged. “Just a friend.”

Arthur scowled. “Is that the same friend that’s coming to visit?”

“Yes.” Merlin stood up and walked around Arthur. He was about walk back upstairs, when Arthur grabbed his arm.

“Is he your boyfriend?” Arthur seethed.

Merlin whipped around and glared at Arthur. “What?”

Arthur close his eyes and tightened his hold on Merlin’s arm. “Is he your boyfriend?”

Merlin yanked his arm out of Arthur’s. “What’s wrong with you Arthur?”

Arthur opened his eyes and step forward. Each step Arthur took, Merlin stepped back, until he was resting against a wall.

“Merlin,” Arthur said. “Do you have a boyfriend?”

Merlin sighed, looking away. “No,”

He didn’t have to look at Arthur to notice the significant relief of tension from Arthur.

“But,” Merlin started and he could see form the corner if his eye, Arthur stiffening. “But, Gwaine is special.” Merlin risked a glance up at Arthur.

Arthur’s eyes darkened, into a hard caution. “What do you mean?”

Merlin could feel his whole body shake, with worry and fear. He wasn’t sure why he was scared. Sure he was worried about how Arthur might react. But fear was a whole other element that never even occurred to him when regarding Arthur. Despite everything that happened, he was always sure that Arthur would hurt him. But for some reason, fear was bubbling inside him.

“Gwaine and I…” Merlin’s voice wavered. “We experimented with each other.”

All at once Arthur face contorted with so many emotions, hurt, betrayal, and distrust. “So he was like your fuck buddy?”

Merlin glowered. “No,” and he was surprised by the vicious tone in his voice. Arthur was dumbfounded for a moment. “We weren’t fuck buddies. We were—still are—friends.” Merlin sighed, leaning against the wall. “He’s my best friend.”

As soon as those words were out of Merlin’s mouth, he nearly regretted saying them. Arthur right in front of him, the boy he’s been in love with since he was eight years old, the boy who he knew since they were five, he looked crestfallen.

“Arthur— he’s been there for me since I’ve first moved to Avalon.” Merlin explained, and he didn’t know why he was explaining. He wasn’t obligated to explain his relationships to Arthur.

Arthur raised his hand to stop Merlin. “Do you have feelings for him?”

Merlin’s first instinct was to deny it. But he halted before he said anything. He and Gwaine… they were complicated. Not the way Merlin and Arthur were, no far from that. They weren’t angst filled and broken. No. But things got complicated.

Somewhere along the way they developed feelings for each other. Truth be told, Gwaine was the one Merlin _wished_ he had fallen in love with. They tried to be together. Merlin was the one who forced his feelings. He willed himself to develop something, anything, for Gwaine—God he tried so fucking hard. And it worked. He did end up falling for Gwaine. And he fell hard.

Gwaine was the opposite of Arthur in so many ways, but he reminded Merlin so much of Arthur at the same time. When it came right down to it, Merlin was falling, for another version of Arthur. In an alternate dimension where Arthur would have been gay. Where Arthur would have been brunette instead of blond. A world where Arthur would have been olive skinned instead of pale. A world where Arthur would have been Irish. Everything opposite, yet so exactly the same. An Arthur 2.0.

In the end it didn’t matter what Merlin wanted or who he wanted to love, because there was no choice in the matter. And it hurt Merlin, more than anyone will know, that he didn’t love Gwaine. It all crashed down on him. Merlin deluded himself into loving Gwaine. He _wanted_ to love Gwaine. He wanted so much to make Gwaine happy, because he knew he could make Gwaine happy. Gwaine deserved the moon, the stars, and more, but _all_ he wanted, was Merlin’s heart. However, Merlin wasn’t ready to give it to him. Frankly, he figured he wasn’t going to be able to give to anyone for a long time.

Without even realizing what was happening, Merlin felt Arthur brush his fingers along his under-eyes. He looked up at Arthur, who was now apprehensive instead of angry.

“Oh Merlin, I’m so sorry,”

And that’s when Merlin realized he was crying. And when he realized it, the tears kept coming that much faster. He pulled Arthur’s hand away, and wiped his eyes himself. “Sorry,” Merlin sniffed. “I’m fine.” 

Arthur sighed, and gently took each of Merlin’s wrists and removed them from covering Merlin’s face.

“God—I wish I knew what to say right now.” Arthur’s voice was so wrecked and that just made Merlin choke back a sob. “He must have been really special.”

Merlin chuckled bitterly. “You have no idea.”

Arthur scoffed, but then grinned sadly, gazing at Merlin with weary eyes. “I think I do, actually.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm very sorry about this ridiculously long awaited update! I originally intended for this chapter to be posted earlier, but my town was hit with a really bad storm, and we literally just had the power back on last night. I'm sorry if there are any mistakes, I'll be sure to go back and fix them!
> 
> _kudos, comments, criticism, etc, are much appreciated ♥_


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